Wow- 2 posts in 2 days! Haha.
Last night I was standing in my kitchen doing some dishes and I was looking out over into my living room where one of my roommates was sitting next to the Christmas tree wrapping presents for family and friends. My other roommate had just finished cooking dinner (which she shared with us) and was back in her room trying to study for an upcoming test for work. As I was standing there I thought to myself how grateful I am to have roommates. I hate, hate, hate coming home to an empty house. I feel so blessed to not only come home to roommates but more than that- friends! I love the busy-ness that takes place in our little condo. I have owned my 3 bed-room condo for almost 5 years now and I have loved who God has provided to live in the other 2 bed-rooms.
Yes, there have been times lately where I have struggled with having roommates because I thought that I would be married by now and have a permanent roommate- my husband. But, God hasn't provided that, instead He has provided sweet sisters.
I have gotten to be a bridesmaid in 2 of my former roommates weddings and I have remained close friends with other girls who had to move out for various reasons. Of course there are times when we get annoyed with each other or don't feel like talking when we get home but- what a blessing it is to share not only a living space but a life with 2 other people.
I love coming home and telling my roommates about my day or coming home from a date and having them wait up for me so that I can tell them allll about this boy. I have loved having my roommates excitedly come home and screaming for joy with them about their recent engagement. I have loved connecting my roommates with my other friends and seeing friendships blossom in new ways.
I am blessed, I really am and I am thankful that the Lord is kind enough to remind me of His sweet provision in my life through my roommates and friends.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
It's been awhile...
I realize it has been quite awhile since I last posted. There are a couple of reasons for the delay but the biggest one is that I have been throwing myself quite the pity party recently. When I go through times like that I do the worst possible thing- I retreat away from God and from the people who need to be in my life to speak truth to me.
The pity party started a few weeks ago when I was visiting one of my best friends Amy in Charleston. Amy is a fellow single girl who is in her late 20's and is trusting God and choosing to hope in Him each day. I am so, so, so thankful that God has provided her friendship in a time of such struggle- that we can lean on each other and help point each other to God.
We were at church talking to a woman who is a bit older than us and involved in full-time ministry towards young women. The topic of singleness came up and she said some tertiary comment about how Amy and I are "Miss Independents" and "we don't know how lucky we are!" Comments like these happen a lot- even from close friends of mine who are married and have a family of their own. After her comments I decided that I would be vulnerable with her and share that while we enjoy being "independant women" our ultimate desire is to be wives and mothers. She then replied as so many married women do with the typical- just wait until you find the right one, it's not all perfect, it's harder then you think, blah blah blah. Just because God has not provided a husband for me does not mean that I am 5 years old and don't understand the things of the Lord. I don't think that this would upset me if this was the only time that this has happened to Amy or I but this is the constant response from married women who have no clue what it is like to struggle in this area. It really makes me not want to be vulnerable and share about this area with anyone because of how the responses usually are- it always comes across very demeaning and ultimately hurtful. So, I was thinking about the few women who actually do a great job encouraging and challenging me in this area and I thought that I would share a list of responses that I (and I think other single women) would appreciate hearing with hopes that they would walk away feeling challenged yet also respected and not talked down to by a married women who thinks that she has arrived while we're just waiting...
1) I don't understand why God hasn't provided this for you either but I am fighting for you in prayer over this- you're not alone
2) You are just as valued in this church as others (unfortunately church is the loneliest place for Christian singles) in fact- I would love for you to be on a leadership team.
3) I can see how this would be a struggle- we would love to have you over for dinner and have you be a part of our family
4) God is good and this is good for you in His wisdom- trust that, walk in it, and hope in Him alone. None of us understand but we are trusting Him for you.
5) Wow, a lot of people are in relationships around you. How is your heart in all of that? I would imagine that it would be a difficult place to be in. I will be praying for you.
6) Even though you don't have your own children I want for you to be involved in my children's lives because they can learn so much from you! (Someone actually told me this and it was one of the most encouraging things that I have ever been told- God has really used those words of encouragement in my life)
Now- things NOT to say-
1) Well, marriage is hard enough as it is- it is so important to wait for the right person to be married to (now while this is true, I have had many women say this to me in such a patronizing way that I could barely listen to the words coming out of their mouth)
2) Why don't you just go on e-harmony? (do i really have to explain why this is insulting?)
3) asking if I have a boy in my life EVERY TIME you talk to me (basically reinforcing that my life is worth nothing without a man in it- because THAT is the real news!)
4) Wow- you are so adventurous! I am so jealous of your life! (this coming from a married women who has a couple of kids- do i write that I am jealous of her life whenever she talks about her kids or amazing husband? no, then please don't tell me that you're jealous about my life. I'm not jealous- I would trade my "adventures" and disastruos dating stories for a family of my own any day)
5) so, there is this guy... ( just because he is a guy and single and close to my age does not mean that I am going to date him, in fact it has been extremely insulting to me some of the set-up dates people have wanted me to go on- see Panera Story)
6)You really should think about this guy and give him another chance- I mean who knows if there is anyone else out there- this might be your only chance. (thus, reinforcing that settling for a less than Godly man is worth settling than gasp being alone!)
Please feel free to add your own to either list. I hope that there will be more additions to the what to say list because we need women from all areas in our lives to do life with. I realize that this might come across a tad bitter but I don't want it to be like that. If I can help a woman who got married right after college or even while she was in college and doesn't understand what little support I and other single women have and this helps her to love on others like me then I am happy that I wrote this.
I am so thankful for the handful of women who God has given me to speak into my life and challenge me. They don't shy away from me and these struggles- they step into them with me and this is such a blessing for my soul. I am excited to be able to minister to other women in my position the way that I have been ministered to.
Ultimately the Lord is the One to whom we look for for EVERYTHING! For He himself is our peace (Ephesians 2:14) and He himself is our only hope- the kind of hope that is sure and secure (Hebrews 6:19) and not dependant on marital statuses or how nice the women at church are.
The pity party started a few weeks ago when I was visiting one of my best friends Amy in Charleston. Amy is a fellow single girl who is in her late 20's and is trusting God and choosing to hope in Him each day. I am so, so, so thankful that God has provided her friendship in a time of such struggle- that we can lean on each other and help point each other to God.
We were at church talking to a woman who is a bit older than us and involved in full-time ministry towards young women. The topic of singleness came up and she said some tertiary comment about how Amy and I are "Miss Independents" and "we don't know how lucky we are!" Comments like these happen a lot- even from close friends of mine who are married and have a family of their own. After her comments I decided that I would be vulnerable with her and share that while we enjoy being "independant women" our ultimate desire is to be wives and mothers. She then replied as so many married women do with the typical- just wait until you find the right one, it's not all perfect, it's harder then you think, blah blah blah. Just because God has not provided a husband for me does not mean that I am 5 years old and don't understand the things of the Lord. I don't think that this would upset me if this was the only time that this has happened to Amy or I but this is the constant response from married women who have no clue what it is like to struggle in this area. It really makes me not want to be vulnerable and share about this area with anyone because of how the responses usually are- it always comes across very demeaning and ultimately hurtful. So, I was thinking about the few women who actually do a great job encouraging and challenging me in this area and I thought that I would share a list of responses that I (and I think other single women) would appreciate hearing with hopes that they would walk away feeling challenged yet also respected and not talked down to by a married women who thinks that she has arrived while we're just waiting...
1) I don't understand why God hasn't provided this for you either but I am fighting for you in prayer over this- you're not alone
2) You are just as valued in this church as others (unfortunately church is the loneliest place for Christian singles) in fact- I would love for you to be on a leadership team.
3) I can see how this would be a struggle- we would love to have you over for dinner and have you be a part of our family
4) God is good and this is good for you in His wisdom- trust that, walk in it, and hope in Him alone. None of us understand but we are trusting Him for you.
5) Wow, a lot of people are in relationships around you. How is your heart in all of that? I would imagine that it would be a difficult place to be in. I will be praying for you.
6) Even though you don't have your own children I want for you to be involved in my children's lives because they can learn so much from you! (Someone actually told me this and it was one of the most encouraging things that I have ever been told- God has really used those words of encouragement in my life)
Now- things NOT to say-
1) Well, marriage is hard enough as it is- it is so important to wait for the right person to be married to (now while this is true, I have had many women say this to me in such a patronizing way that I could barely listen to the words coming out of their mouth)
2) Why don't you just go on e-harmony? (do i really have to explain why this is insulting?)
3) asking if I have a boy in my life EVERY TIME you talk to me (basically reinforcing that my life is worth nothing without a man in it- because THAT is the real news!)
4) Wow- you are so adventurous! I am so jealous of your life! (this coming from a married women who has a couple of kids- do i write that I am jealous of her life whenever she talks about her kids or amazing husband? no, then please don't tell me that you're jealous about my life. I'm not jealous- I would trade my "adventures" and disastruos dating stories for a family of my own any day)
5) so, there is this guy... ( just because he is a guy and single and close to my age does not mean that I am going to date him, in fact it has been extremely insulting to me some of the set-up dates people have wanted me to go on- see Panera Story)
6)You really should think about this guy and give him another chance- I mean who knows if there is anyone else out there- this might be your only chance. (thus, reinforcing that settling for a less than Godly man is worth settling than gasp being alone!)
Please feel free to add your own to either list. I hope that there will be more additions to the what to say list because we need women from all areas in our lives to do life with. I realize that this might come across a tad bitter but I don't want it to be like that. If I can help a woman who got married right after college or even while she was in college and doesn't understand what little support I and other single women have and this helps her to love on others like me then I am happy that I wrote this.
I am so thankful for the handful of women who God has given me to speak into my life and challenge me. They don't shy away from me and these struggles- they step into them with me and this is such a blessing for my soul. I am excited to be able to minister to other women in my position the way that I have been ministered to.
Ultimately the Lord is the One to whom we look for for EVERYTHING! For He himself is our peace (Ephesians 2:14) and He himself is our only hope- the kind of hope that is sure and secure (Hebrews 6:19) and not dependant on marital statuses or how nice the women at church are.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
1 Month in...
I celebrated my 1 month mile stone of my new job last week. It still feels surreal to me in so many ways. Some, I expected and others have caught me off guard.
I love getting to be in people's lives and championing them to believe all that God has for them. I feel so blessed that even in my new job here working for UNF's athletics I am encouraged to do that. In fact- today I get to visit a soccer player who broke her wrist and just had surgery this morning- yes this is part of my job!!
Many emotions come to my mind when I think about my long journey with Campus Outreach but I think that a picture that God allowed me to see last night really just sums up my heart, and what I believe to be Jesus's heart for the spread of His gospel.
Last night the current Campus Outreach UNF staff girl planned a fun California spaghetti dinner to facilitate a time where the current CO people can bring people that they have been meeting. I offered to come a little bit early to help with whatever needed to be done.
Holli asked me to cook the meat while she met with a few girls to go over their new CO discipleship study and to pray for the girls who were coming tonight. As I was standing in the kitchen and looking out over those girls praying my heart was just singing!!! THIS is 2 Timothy 2:2 lived out right before my eyes!!! You see, I met Holli the day before her freshmen year started at UNF and she was a huge leader in our ministry and I had the privelege of discipling her and then once she graduated she and I worked for CO together this past year. The girls she was meeting with before the dinner were 2 girls that I had discipled, one of whom became a christian in college. It is such a neat thing to realize that you really aren't needed in the spread of the gospel- it is all about God changing hearts and drawing people to Himself!!!
The dinner turned out to be a huge success- with about 40 girls crammed into a small apartment- most of whom aren't christians (yet)! God is still committed to people at UNF and He doesn't need us but I am so grateful that because of Him my life has a purpose that is so much bigger than me!
To follow Jesus's example is to give your life away to people and to give it away sacrficially- like Holli and the other CO staff constantly desire to do. Is it quick or easy? No, it is hard tedious work but Jesus set the example for us and we are to walk as He walked- not coming to be served but to give His life as a ransom for many.
Thank you Lord for your example for calling us to give our lives away to others.
I love getting to be in people's lives and championing them to believe all that God has for them. I feel so blessed that even in my new job here working for UNF's athletics I am encouraged to do that. In fact- today I get to visit a soccer player who broke her wrist and just had surgery this morning- yes this is part of my job!!
Many emotions come to my mind when I think about my long journey with Campus Outreach but I think that a picture that God allowed me to see last night really just sums up my heart, and what I believe to be Jesus's heart for the spread of His gospel.
Last night the current Campus Outreach UNF staff girl planned a fun California spaghetti dinner to facilitate a time where the current CO people can bring people that they have been meeting. I offered to come a little bit early to help with whatever needed to be done.
Holli asked me to cook the meat while she met with a few girls to go over their new CO discipleship study and to pray for the girls who were coming tonight. As I was standing in the kitchen and looking out over those girls praying my heart was just singing!!! THIS is 2 Timothy 2:2 lived out right before my eyes!!! You see, I met Holli the day before her freshmen year started at UNF and she was a huge leader in our ministry and I had the privelege of discipling her and then once she graduated she and I worked for CO together this past year. The girls she was meeting with before the dinner were 2 girls that I had discipled, one of whom became a christian in college. It is such a neat thing to realize that you really aren't needed in the spread of the gospel- it is all about God changing hearts and drawing people to Himself!!!
The dinner turned out to be a huge success- with about 40 girls crammed into a small apartment- most of whom aren't christians (yet)! God is still committed to people at UNF and He doesn't need us but I am so grateful that because of Him my life has a purpose that is so much bigger than me!
To follow Jesus's example is to give your life away to people and to give it away sacrficially- like Holli and the other CO staff constantly desire to do. Is it quick or easy? No, it is hard tedious work but Jesus set the example for us and we are to walk as He walked- not coming to be served but to give His life as a ransom for many.
Thank you Lord for your example for calling us to give our lives away to others.
Friday, August 13, 2010
"At least you don't have to raise support anymore..."
This was the most common phrase that I heard over the past month or so when I told people about my new job opportunity, where in fact, I dont have to raise support any longer.
Every time a person would say this to me it really upset me and hurt my heart. It upset me because it revealed how these people view others who live on support and honestly revealed how little they valued missionaries or people in full-time ministry here in the States. The only people I talked with who didn't say the above line to me were my wonderful Campus Outreach co-workers. Do you know why? Because they got it!!!!
What did (do) they get?
Asking or challenging other people who make way too much money to invest in God's kingdom expansion is such a privilege
There is such an opportunity to minister to supporters in a unique way- it's as if you are connected with them
The people who supported me, never just supported me financially (for where your treasure is there your heart will be) they truly partnered with me and were on my team- I never felt alone. My burdens were divided upon so many loving people who cared for me
Knowing that every penny that you receive is from other people who are giving away their money to a bigger picture really changes how you view money and what you "earn"
it is such a picture of grace to see many people who believe so much in your vision that they give out of sacrifice not out of their abundance
You see, living on support is such a picture of the Gospel. I have never been and will never be worthy of my supporters, it's because of God working in me and what He called me to- these people gave to His ministry! They invested in the next generation. There was excitement each month when I received my pay check because I knew that I did nothing to deserve it but I was so thankful for God's provision and faithfulness to provide through this team of people.
My non-believing parents also saw this. They saw God provide for their daughter for 5 years. What they called "begging for money" others saw as an opportunity to minister not only to me, or the students at UNF, but to my parents as well.
Proverbs 11:24-25 says "One man gives freely yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man prospers, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
These verses were brought to life before my eyes with the people who were on my support team. I needed them to support me to allow me to minister at UNF but they needed me to have an opportunity to step out in faith and invest what the Lord has blessed them with.
Living on support is a privilege that should make all those who do live on support raise their hands high and look to the the Ultimate Provider who loves to bless in such unexpected ways. I am so thankful for the 5 short years that I lived on support and I look forward to having new opportunities to invest what the Lord has given me to others who live on support as well!
Ok... my little rant is over with for the time being. Let's hope that I don't hear that sentence again any time soon- that person will sure be getting an ear full!!! haha
Every time a person would say this to me it really upset me and hurt my heart. It upset me because it revealed how these people view others who live on support and honestly revealed how little they valued missionaries or people in full-time ministry here in the States. The only people I talked with who didn't say the above line to me were my wonderful Campus Outreach co-workers. Do you know why? Because they got it!!!!
What did (do) they get?
Asking or challenging other people who make way too much money to invest in God's kingdom expansion is such a privilege
There is such an opportunity to minister to supporters in a unique way- it's as if you are connected with them
The people who supported me, never just supported me financially (for where your treasure is there your heart will be) they truly partnered with me and were on my team- I never felt alone. My burdens were divided upon so many loving people who cared for me
Knowing that every penny that you receive is from other people who are giving away their money to a bigger picture really changes how you view money and what you "earn"
it is such a picture of grace to see many people who believe so much in your vision that they give out of sacrifice not out of their abundance
You see, living on support is such a picture of the Gospel. I have never been and will never be worthy of my supporters, it's because of God working in me and what He called me to- these people gave to His ministry! They invested in the next generation. There was excitement each month when I received my pay check because I knew that I did nothing to deserve it but I was so thankful for God's provision and faithfulness to provide through this team of people.
My non-believing parents also saw this. They saw God provide for their daughter for 5 years. What they called "begging for money" others saw as an opportunity to minister not only to me, or the students at UNF, but to my parents as well.
Proverbs 11:24-25 says "One man gives freely yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man prospers, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
These verses were brought to life before my eyes with the people who were on my support team. I needed them to support me to allow me to minister at UNF but they needed me to have an opportunity to step out in faith and invest what the Lord has blessed them with.
Living on support is a privilege that should make all those who do live on support raise their hands high and look to the the Ultimate Provider who loves to bless in such unexpected ways. I am so thankful for the 5 short years that I lived on support and I look forward to having new opportunities to invest what the Lord has given me to others who live on support as well!
Ok... my little rant is over with for the time being. Let's hope that I don't hear that sentence again any time soon- that person will sure be getting an ear full!!! haha
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
another hilarious set-up story
Since we're on the subject on hilarious set-up mishaps I thought that I would just go ahead and share probably one of the most ridiculous things that happened to me.
background: a guy friend of mine saw me at a recent wedding and we were catching up and he asked the inevitable question- " so jenny, are you still single?" to which i wittingly replied, "of course i am, why wouldn't i be..." he then tells me that he has a guy at church that he thinks that i should meet. he tells me that he is tall and big (2 kind of important pre-req's for me) and a christian. i begrudgingly told him that i would be open to it and to let me know what needs to happen next. well....
the next day or so i receive a facebook friends request from a boy whose name sounds vaguely familiar to me. i quickly realized that this was the boy my friend was telling me about!!!! i add him and then scope out his page i.e. his photos and info. well, i soon realized that for a number of reasons, i didn't really think that he and i would be compatible so i just kind of moved on. a few days after the friend request, this boy writes me a pretty lengthy message telling me that my name was mentioned to him as a possible connection and he wanted to say hi. in closing he said, "if you ever want to hang out, let me know." LET HIM KNOW?? how passive is that? i loved the reaction from my manly, godly guy friends when i told them about that last line. they told me that last line alone disqualifies him from the possibility of a relationship with me- haha. anyway, i didn't write him back because i didn't want to hang out with him and really didn't even know what to write back to him.
ok so here is the best part and i have an eye-witness to what i am about to write- a few days after this boy sent me that message i was meeting a student for lunch (it was actually the same girl who set me up with the guy that i wrote about below- haha!). she wanted to go to panera even though we both knew that it would be super crowded. we finally got our food and a table and we began talking about the upcoming semester and what we were trusting God for and other serious things. well, there were 2 guys sitting pretty close behind me and i hear one of the guys say my guy friends last name. i turn around thinking that i might know them- the guy who is sitting behind me is the one who they wanted to set me up with!!!!! i immediately turn around to the girl i was with to tell her about the background of this guy but before i can really finish- HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!! my friend's mouth literally dropped open in disbelief. this guy was telling the other guy he was with my age, how tall i was and how he was being set up with me. he had his computer out and although i couldn't see the screen, i am pretty sure that they had my facebook profile pulled up! needless to say i was completely in shock. I (quietly) asked the girl if we could just leave as quickly as possible. we packed up our stuff and left. As soon as we were out of panera we feel to the ground in laughter!! I still can't believe that happened to me! I probably wouldn't have believed that this really happened to me if i hadn't of had a witness who shared this story with quite a few other people!!
this probably happened to me about 3 years ago now. the boy is now married and i couldn't be happier for him. he has no idea that i ever heard him that day in panera. one lesson to take away from this- jacksonville can be a very small town!!!!! hahahaha
background: a guy friend of mine saw me at a recent wedding and we were catching up and he asked the inevitable question- " so jenny, are you still single?" to which i wittingly replied, "of course i am, why wouldn't i be..." he then tells me that he has a guy at church that he thinks that i should meet. he tells me that he is tall and big (2 kind of important pre-req's for me) and a christian. i begrudgingly told him that i would be open to it and to let me know what needs to happen next. well....
the next day or so i receive a facebook friends request from a boy whose name sounds vaguely familiar to me. i quickly realized that this was the boy my friend was telling me about!!!! i add him and then scope out his page i.e. his photos and info. well, i soon realized that for a number of reasons, i didn't really think that he and i would be compatible so i just kind of moved on. a few days after the friend request, this boy writes me a pretty lengthy message telling me that my name was mentioned to him as a possible connection and he wanted to say hi. in closing he said, "if you ever want to hang out, let me know." LET HIM KNOW?? how passive is that? i loved the reaction from my manly, godly guy friends when i told them about that last line. they told me that last line alone disqualifies him from the possibility of a relationship with me- haha. anyway, i didn't write him back because i didn't want to hang out with him and really didn't even know what to write back to him.
ok so here is the best part and i have an eye-witness to what i am about to write- a few days after this boy sent me that message i was meeting a student for lunch (it was actually the same girl who set me up with the guy that i wrote about below- haha!). she wanted to go to panera even though we both knew that it would be super crowded. we finally got our food and a table and we began talking about the upcoming semester and what we were trusting God for and other serious things. well, there were 2 guys sitting pretty close behind me and i hear one of the guys say my guy friends last name. i turn around thinking that i might know them- the guy who is sitting behind me is the one who they wanted to set me up with!!!!! i immediately turn around to the girl i was with to tell her about the background of this guy but before i can really finish- HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!! my friend's mouth literally dropped open in disbelief. this guy was telling the other guy he was with my age, how tall i was and how he was being set up with me. he had his computer out and although i couldn't see the screen, i am pretty sure that they had my facebook profile pulled up! needless to say i was completely in shock. I (quietly) asked the girl if we could just leave as quickly as possible. we packed up our stuff and left. As soon as we were out of panera we feel to the ground in laughter!! I still can't believe that happened to me! I probably wouldn't have believed that this really happened to me if i hadn't of had a witness who shared this story with quite a few other people!!
this probably happened to me about 3 years ago now. the boy is now married and i couldn't be happier for him. he has no idea that i ever heard him that day in panera. one lesson to take away from this- jacksonville can be a very small town!!!!! hahahaha
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Can you meet me halfway?
"Well Jenny, if it has to do with you, there is always a story with a good laugh involved!" exclaimed one of my friends when I shared with her my recent dating mishap.
Allow me to share- One of good friends told me a few months ago that she had found the "perfect guy" for me and she wanted he and I to meet. I said sure and that I would be looking forward to it. She was a bit cautious to bring his name up to me because she wasn't sure if I would be attracted to him because apparently I have the reputation of having "pretty high standards in the looks department"- haha. Anyway, I agreed to the set up and she was super excited. I also found out that he and I know a lot of the same people as well, which was so fun! I heard a lot of great things about him and was looking forward to meeting him. Well, I met him for dinner and had a great time. He was really funny and nice and all of that stuff. When I left, I had no clue if he was interested in getting together or anything so I just made my 50 phone calls to my friends who were waiting by their phones and shared with them about the dinner and my impression of him. About a week went by and I heard nothing from him (which I was not accustomed to based on my previous set ups). Then, about a week later he called. The setting for this was PERFECT, I was in the car with 2 girls so I didn't pick up the phone. I listened to the voice mail that he left and as soon as I heard him say his name I yelled to the girls- HE CALLED!!! We of course were soooo excited because we of course thought- why else would he be calling other than to ask me out, right?? haha. Well, I call him back with a big smile on my face and that smile quickly melts away as he begins to talk to me. He thanks me for "indulging" our mutual friends by meeting up last week but he wanted for me to know that he has no intentions to take this any further. OUCH!!! I thank him for calling and then step out of my room to see my roommate waiting expectantly for my "good news." I then proceed to tell her what he told me and she is shocked! All I could do was laugh at the whole situation.
The first thing I thought of was the previous 2 guys that I dated who I had to coax that exact conversation out of them. Those 2 guys legitimately owed me a conversation saying that they had no intentions of taking their relationship with me any further, because I did, in fact, have a relationship with them. Instead of being bold and embracing the awkwardness by having that conversation, they acted like cowards. And then we have this guy who I've met once! He actually doesn't owe me anything, yet he chose to be clear and let me know where he stood- once I had time to console my bruised ego, I actually have come to appreciate what this dude did.
So, isn't there some type of middle ground here? Who knows! All I have to say is that I am trusting the Lord to provide me with a husband so that I can have (Lord-willing) a couple of sons who I can train in the ancient art of communication skills- because that is obviously lacking in this generation!!
Now, I hope this does not come across as bitter- my love life (or lack of) has actually been the cause of many laughs in recent years and some quite catchy sayings (that will never be posted on line) and for that I am grateful. I am glad that the Lord continues to provide things that keeps my life interesting!!!!!
Allow me to share- One of good friends told me a few months ago that she had found the "perfect guy" for me and she wanted he and I to meet. I said sure and that I would be looking forward to it. She was a bit cautious to bring his name up to me because she wasn't sure if I would be attracted to him because apparently I have the reputation of having "pretty high standards in the looks department"- haha. Anyway, I agreed to the set up and she was super excited. I also found out that he and I know a lot of the same people as well, which was so fun! I heard a lot of great things about him and was looking forward to meeting him. Well, I met him for dinner and had a great time. He was really funny and nice and all of that stuff. When I left, I had no clue if he was interested in getting together or anything so I just made my 50 phone calls to my friends who were waiting by their phones and shared with them about the dinner and my impression of him. About a week went by and I heard nothing from him (which I was not accustomed to based on my previous set ups). Then, about a week later he called. The setting for this was PERFECT, I was in the car with 2 girls so I didn't pick up the phone. I listened to the voice mail that he left and as soon as I heard him say his name I yelled to the girls- HE CALLED!!! We of course were soooo excited because we of course thought- why else would he be calling other than to ask me out, right?? haha. Well, I call him back with a big smile on my face and that smile quickly melts away as he begins to talk to me. He thanks me for "indulging" our mutual friends by meeting up last week but he wanted for me to know that he has no intentions to take this any further. OUCH!!! I thank him for calling and then step out of my room to see my roommate waiting expectantly for my "good news." I then proceed to tell her what he told me and she is shocked! All I could do was laugh at the whole situation.
The first thing I thought of was the previous 2 guys that I dated who I had to coax that exact conversation out of them. Those 2 guys legitimately owed me a conversation saying that they had no intentions of taking their relationship with me any further, because I did, in fact, have a relationship with them. Instead of being bold and embracing the awkwardness by having that conversation, they acted like cowards. And then we have this guy who I've met once! He actually doesn't owe me anything, yet he chose to be clear and let me know where he stood- once I had time to console my bruised ego, I actually have come to appreciate what this dude did.
So, isn't there some type of middle ground here? Who knows! All I have to say is that I am trusting the Lord to provide me with a husband so that I can have (Lord-willing) a couple of sons who I can train in the ancient art of communication skills- because that is obviously lacking in this generation!!
Now, I hope this does not come across as bitter- my love life (or lack of) has actually been the cause of many laughs in recent years and some quite catchy sayings (that will never be posted on line) and for that I am grateful. I am glad that the Lord continues to provide things that keeps my life interesting!!!!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Marriage as an idol...
"Where we most often sin in our own desire for marriage is not in worshiping marriage itself, but in doubting God's ability to bring it about."
- Candice Watters
Guilty!!!
- Candice Watters
Guilty!!!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sweet Blessings During a Bittersweet Time
In Paul's passion filled letter to the Ephesian church much of what he writes to them is what he is praying for them. In Chapter 3:20-21 he reminds them that our Lord can do immeasurably more than ALL we can ask or imagine and the reason why is because His working is not according to our faith or power- but His power that is at work within us. Paul then reminds us that this power is working in and through us so that God can get the glory in this generation and in the next.
This passage has always meant so much to me and even more so at this point in my life. I struggle so much with doubt that the Lord would actually use me or has a perfect plan for my life. The mundane things in this life get me down as well as the broken dreams or unfulfilled desires. This verse seems to be telling us to dream big, to trust God for big or impossible things and to look around and watch Him work- for His glory. So often I don't even attempt hard or scary things because I am so scared to fail or look like a fool, but in reality, not stepping out in faith is the foolish thing to do knowing what we know about God and His mighty power within us. I am reminded of the C.S. Lewis quote that challenges us with how easily pleased we are with playing a mud pile when the Lord offers us a resort by the sea. We are often too preoccupied or scared to look up and see!
Paul addresses this earlier in Ephesians 1:18 when he writes- I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you...
We need to have spiritual eyes to see the great and glorious things in which the Lord is doing and has done- oftentimes those things don't look like much to the world. Take for example friendship. This is so important to me and is one of the top values of my life. I met most of my dearest friends my freshmen year of college right when I became a Christian and started understanding the things of the Lord. I have been friends with most of those girls for 10 years now. These aren't just my friends, these are my sisters, and my mentors. I learn from their lives and how they are wives and mothers and ministers. It is important for me to think about the time when I initially met them- it didn't seem like much at the time but the impact that they have had in my life is immeasurable.
Currently, I am struggling with looking around and only seeing what God hasn't done and desires that He hasn't fulfilled but Paul reminds me in Ephesians that where there might seem to be an emptiness there is room for the Lord to redeem that for His glory. This is the tension where I am living. I am tasting the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams and desires of having a husband and a family and seeing the Lord provide in that way yet I have to will myself daily to look up and see where He is working and blessing me. When I fight for this view I truly taste of the Lord's sweetness and am delighted in Him. I know that this is a struggle for every Christian in many different areas and I am very aware that if the Lord does ever provide a husband and a family then this longing will be transferred to another area so I am thankful that at 28 years young I have the opportunity to submit these things to the One who is worthy of all of my heart.
I am also thankful for the Lord abundantly providing in areas where I really didn't think to pray and ask Him to. He provided in His wisdom and I couldn't be more happy with His provision. As I mentioned before, He has provided me with wonderful sisters who have walked with me, and I've walked with them as well. We are currently spread out all over the country but we try to do a yearly reunion and we just got back from it a few weeks ago. These weekends are always fun and filled with laughs (mostly at my expense, as usual) and are always good reminders of the Lord's goodness to us. I come away from these weekends thinking that I got a little taste of what Heaven will be like one day.
Here is a poem that I recently read that made me think of these women and the friendships that we share-
Hide not thy tears, weep boldly and be found
To give the flowing virtue manly way;
'Tis natures mark to know an honest heart by;
Shame on those hearts that can not melt in soft a'loption of another's sorrow
No radiant pearl which created fortune wears,
No gem that twinkling, hangs, from beauty's ears, not the bright stars,
Which nights' blue arch adorn, nor
Rising suns that gild the vernal morn,
Shine with such lustre as the tear that treaks for other's woe
Down virtue's manly cheeks
- Darwin
Our friendships include many laughs but many tears as well as we trust the Lord to lead us through our journey Home and I am so thankful that He has provided friends to both rejoice and weep with.
This passage has always meant so much to me and even more so at this point in my life. I struggle so much with doubt that the Lord would actually use me or has a perfect plan for my life. The mundane things in this life get me down as well as the broken dreams or unfulfilled desires. This verse seems to be telling us to dream big, to trust God for big or impossible things and to look around and watch Him work- for His glory. So often I don't even attempt hard or scary things because I am so scared to fail or look like a fool, but in reality, not stepping out in faith is the foolish thing to do knowing what we know about God and His mighty power within us. I am reminded of the C.S. Lewis quote that challenges us with how easily pleased we are with playing a mud pile when the Lord offers us a resort by the sea. We are often too preoccupied or scared to look up and see!
Paul addresses this earlier in Ephesians 1:18 when he writes- I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you...
We need to have spiritual eyes to see the great and glorious things in which the Lord is doing and has done- oftentimes those things don't look like much to the world. Take for example friendship. This is so important to me and is one of the top values of my life. I met most of my dearest friends my freshmen year of college right when I became a Christian and started understanding the things of the Lord. I have been friends with most of those girls for 10 years now. These aren't just my friends, these are my sisters, and my mentors. I learn from their lives and how they are wives and mothers and ministers. It is important for me to think about the time when I initially met them- it didn't seem like much at the time but the impact that they have had in my life is immeasurable.
Currently, I am struggling with looking around and only seeing what God hasn't done and desires that He hasn't fulfilled but Paul reminds me in Ephesians that where there might seem to be an emptiness there is room for the Lord to redeem that for His glory. This is the tension where I am living. I am tasting the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams and desires of having a husband and a family and seeing the Lord provide in that way yet I have to will myself daily to look up and see where He is working and blessing me. When I fight for this view I truly taste of the Lord's sweetness and am delighted in Him. I know that this is a struggle for every Christian in many different areas and I am very aware that if the Lord does ever provide a husband and a family then this longing will be transferred to another area so I am thankful that at 28 years young I have the opportunity to submit these things to the One who is worthy of all of my heart.
I am also thankful for the Lord abundantly providing in areas where I really didn't think to pray and ask Him to. He provided in His wisdom and I couldn't be more happy with His provision. As I mentioned before, He has provided me with wonderful sisters who have walked with me, and I've walked with them as well. We are currently spread out all over the country but we try to do a yearly reunion and we just got back from it a few weeks ago. These weekends are always fun and filled with laughs (mostly at my expense, as usual) and are always good reminders of the Lord's goodness to us. I come away from these weekends thinking that I got a little taste of what Heaven will be like one day.
Here is a poem that I recently read that made me think of these women and the friendships that we share-
Hide not thy tears, weep boldly and be found
To give the flowing virtue manly way;
'Tis natures mark to know an honest heart by;
Shame on those hearts that can not melt in soft a'loption of another's sorrow
No radiant pearl which created fortune wears,
No gem that twinkling, hangs, from beauty's ears, not the bright stars,
Which nights' blue arch adorn, nor
Rising suns that gild the vernal morn,
Shine with such lustre as the tear that treaks for other's woe
Down virtue's manly cheeks
- Darwin
Our friendships include many laughs but many tears as well as we trust the Lord to lead us through our journey Home and I am so thankful that He has provided friends to both rejoice and weep with.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Our Story = God's Glory!
I love hearing stories of God's redemption in people's lives and I equally love getting to share about the Lord from what He is teaching me in my life. I heard someone say that they think that one of the things we will do in Heaven is share our stories of God working in each others lives- and I agree!!
One of the reason I wanted to start this blog was not because I in anyway have all of the answers but because I am trusting that the Lord would use some of what He is teaching me to teach others. Looking through many of Paul's letters that he wrote to the various churches he talks over and over again about sharing things about our lives for God's glory. In Philippians 1:12 he writes- Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. At the end of Ephesians he talks of being an ambassador of Christ and asks that they pray that whenever he opens his mouth he would be declaring the gospel. Even in Galatians when Paul is talking about his argument that he got in with Peter, he shares this in order that the Galatians might gain a better understanding of the far reaching changes that the gospel should be making in each of our lives!
I love that Paul is so intentional to share about things in order to help people know God more. I pray that my life would be characterized by this! In order to do this we must pray that God would give us eyes to see above the current circumstances that we are in and ask Him to redeem these situations! Sometimes we see His redemption and oftentimes we don't. As I have written about in previous posts, 2009 was a difficult year relationally with me due to May man 2009. Over all I still don't completely understand why the Lord would have brought this guy into my life but I do see His redemption amidst my hurt and confusion and I am so thankful for it. God has used this past "relationship" to give many women the wisdom that I have gained from this circumstance and hopefully spared them some unneeded pain as well! I am so thankful for the opportunity to minister to these girls out of my weakness and I in no way hate this man or think ill of him at all. I also do not want to portray him in a bad light- he and I are both sinners and we were in a relationship. I pray that he would use whatever wisdom he gained from this "relationship" with me to minister to others and help to guide them in the way of having healthy relationships with the opposite sex.
The reason I wanted to write this is because my (wonderful!) roommate and a few others questioned my reference to this guy and were understandably concerned. I feel freedom to talk about this guy because I am not writing about him out of revenge or spite but because the Lord has truly used my time with him to show me so many valuable things that have affected my relationship with the Lord, men, and the people that I minister to. While my motives to talk about May Man 2009 might be pure (as pure as my motives can be) I can't say the same about May Man 2008 so he most likely won't be mentioned much on my blog or in conversation- why invite an opportunity to sin, right? haha
I pray that throughout all of our interactions with people we can take advantage of opportunities to have Christ glorified in our weaknesses- whether it be relationally, health-wise, financially, in fears about the future, struggles with fertility, struggles with singleness or struggles with insecurities in general. I am so thankful for the woman who have and continue to share their lives with me and are continually bringing me back to the Cross to learn more and more of the Lord and His sacrifice for us all!!
One of the reason I wanted to start this blog was not because I in anyway have all of the answers but because I am trusting that the Lord would use some of what He is teaching me to teach others. Looking through many of Paul's letters that he wrote to the various churches he talks over and over again about sharing things about our lives for God's glory. In Philippians 1:12 he writes- Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. At the end of Ephesians he talks of being an ambassador of Christ and asks that they pray that whenever he opens his mouth he would be declaring the gospel. Even in Galatians when Paul is talking about his argument that he got in with Peter, he shares this in order that the Galatians might gain a better understanding of the far reaching changes that the gospel should be making in each of our lives!
I love that Paul is so intentional to share about things in order to help people know God more. I pray that my life would be characterized by this! In order to do this we must pray that God would give us eyes to see above the current circumstances that we are in and ask Him to redeem these situations! Sometimes we see His redemption and oftentimes we don't. As I have written about in previous posts, 2009 was a difficult year relationally with me due to May man 2009. Over all I still don't completely understand why the Lord would have brought this guy into my life but I do see His redemption amidst my hurt and confusion and I am so thankful for it. God has used this past "relationship" to give many women the wisdom that I have gained from this circumstance and hopefully spared them some unneeded pain as well! I am so thankful for the opportunity to minister to these girls out of my weakness and I in no way hate this man or think ill of him at all. I also do not want to portray him in a bad light- he and I are both sinners and we were in a relationship. I pray that he would use whatever wisdom he gained from this "relationship" with me to minister to others and help to guide them in the way of having healthy relationships with the opposite sex.
The reason I wanted to write this is because my (wonderful!) roommate and a few others questioned my reference to this guy and were understandably concerned. I feel freedom to talk about this guy because I am not writing about him out of revenge or spite but because the Lord has truly used my time with him to show me so many valuable things that have affected my relationship with the Lord, men, and the people that I minister to. While my motives to talk about May Man 2009 might be pure (as pure as my motives can be) I can't say the same about May Man 2008 so he most likely won't be mentioned much on my blog or in conversation- why invite an opportunity to sin, right? haha
I pray that throughout all of our interactions with people we can take advantage of opportunities to have Christ glorified in our weaknesses- whether it be relationally, health-wise, financially, in fears about the future, struggles with fertility, struggles with singleness or struggles with insecurities in general. I am so thankful for the woman who have and continue to share their lives with me and are continually bringing me back to the Cross to learn more and more of the Lord and His sacrifice for us all!!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
View of God
A few months ago I had the opportunity to speak alongside my staff partner Alan at Campus Outreach's New Year's Conference. We talked about Our View of God. When Alan asked me to speak with him I was so excited because I had so much to share on this subject. I didn't have a lot of knowledge to share, rather I had a lot of experience on how God was showing His commitment to challenging my wrong view of Him.
2009 was a particularly hard year for me with regards to my struggle with singleness and He made sure to continue that theme right into the conference where I had to give this very talk! AKA- the guy (wonderful May Man 2009) that I was struggling with was literally 5 doors down from me in the 25 story hotel we stayed in, lovely. Anyway, here is our talk. I haven't been able to listen to all of it because I can't stand the sound of my mix of southern/valley girl voice but if you can stand it then go for it! I hope it encourages and challenges you to really think about how we respond to every area of our life really reveals what we believe about God.
http://www.newyearsconference.org/podcasts/Our_View_of_God.mp3
Friday, May 28, 2010
Smilin'
Over the past month or so I have had to get some major mouth work done. It has been, painful, time consuming, and extremely expensive. I have been fighting to keep a good perspective and to continue to entrust this whole situation to the Lord.
One of the things that keeps running through my mind is a picture of a woman that I met in a rural village in India. It took so long to drive out there and it was in the middle of nowhere. When our team arrived at this village the people ran to us. This particular woman stood in the back and just smiled (the universal language). I could barely look at her smile though. He teeth were so mangled and bloody it just looked so painful! I remember thinking then, how does this woman live with this pain?? It is there all the time, it can keep you from eating and talking- how miserable!! This woman popped into my head the day that my dentist told me that I was going to have to get a root canal and a crown and that this is a very involved process. This woman had no hope int his world of ever being relieved from this pain, forget the fact that she probably would never be able to afford it, she would never even have access to a dentist. This really made me so grateful for this opportunity to have this pain taken away by a professional who does this all the time. This realization makes me sad as well. There is no way that I deserve to have this opportunity over this woman. I don't know why God would see fit to provide this opportunity to me and not this woman, it doesn't make sense but I do know that with this opportunity He has entrusted responsibility to me because of this opportunity.
This procedure involves them drilling my decayed tooth, putting on a temporary tooth, cutting my gums and performing surgery to put in an implant for a crown, allowing my gums to recover for 6 weeks, and then finally putting on my crown. I have just finished the surgery. I am in pain and feel very restricted in my mouth movements. This made me think (once again) about how I take for granted even the ability to communicate by talking but also by smiling to people. I literally can not smile at people right now because of my stitches. It is also very taxing to talk too, I just sit like a lump on the log. I think (or at least I hope!) that when I am healed from this I will rejoice in the fact that I can communicate with people and enjoy the freedom of talking again!!
One other thing that I will do after this is all done- I WILL BRUSH MY TEETH AND FLOSS AND GO TO THE DENTIST EVERY 6 MONTHS and I encourage you to do this too! I do not want any of my friends to go through any of this!!!!!!
One of the things that keeps running through my mind is a picture of a woman that I met in a rural village in India. It took so long to drive out there and it was in the middle of nowhere. When our team arrived at this village the people ran to us. This particular woman stood in the back and just smiled (the universal language). I could barely look at her smile though. He teeth were so mangled and bloody it just looked so painful! I remember thinking then, how does this woman live with this pain?? It is there all the time, it can keep you from eating and talking- how miserable!! This woman popped into my head the day that my dentist told me that I was going to have to get a root canal and a crown and that this is a very involved process. This woman had no hope int his world of ever being relieved from this pain, forget the fact that she probably would never be able to afford it, she would never even have access to a dentist. This really made me so grateful for this opportunity to have this pain taken away by a professional who does this all the time. This realization makes me sad as well. There is no way that I deserve to have this opportunity over this woman. I don't know why God would see fit to provide this opportunity to me and not this woman, it doesn't make sense but I do know that with this opportunity He has entrusted responsibility to me because of this opportunity.
This procedure involves them drilling my decayed tooth, putting on a temporary tooth, cutting my gums and performing surgery to put in an implant for a crown, allowing my gums to recover for 6 weeks, and then finally putting on my crown. I have just finished the surgery. I am in pain and feel very restricted in my mouth movements. This made me think (once again) about how I take for granted even the ability to communicate by talking but also by smiling to people. I literally can not smile at people right now because of my stitches. It is also very taxing to talk too, I just sit like a lump on the log. I think (or at least I hope!) that when I am healed from this I will rejoice in the fact that I can communicate with people and enjoy the freedom of talking again!!
One other thing that I will do after this is all done- I WILL BRUSH MY TEETH AND FLOSS AND GO TO THE DENTIST EVERY 6 MONTHS and I encourage you to do this too! I do not want any of my friends to go through any of this!!!!!!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Why I Love Coaching!
After I get done coaching the kids, if I don't have anything to do after practice I get in the water and swim for a bit. I love the water and the feeling I always get when I swim. I am all alone and everything is quiet. I love the way I feel and move in the water- I'm no longer this klutzy awkward girl, instead I feel elegant and confident! I also love the fact that in the water I am all alone and everything is quiet. This is such a wonderful time to pray and hear from the Lord for me. During my college swimming career I had PLENTY of time to have this happen and I always loved it!
Today as I was swimming I was thinking about the previous practice and what I could have done better and what we need to work on the next day. Today I worked really hard on them with the breaststroke. This is my least favorite stroke and it's also one where I feel the least confident in my ability. Because of this it was very hard to communicate to these swimmers the foundation of this certain stroke. Needless to say I was very frustrated!
One of the things I always tell the kids is how important it is to lay a foundation of having the correct stroke because that is something that you can always go back to and you will always be able to build upon. That foundation laying has been so important for me. I am not a fast swimmer but I have a good stroke and
I am a hard worker- those were the only 2 reasons I was able to swim on the UNF D-1 women's swim team and that's the only reason I get can pick up and start swimming anywhere there's water and almost always get a compliment.Then I started thinking again about how even more important it is to have a spiritual foundation in our lives. There is no getting away from this foundation- it shapes everything we do, say, or think! How can I help others lay a gospel foundation if I don't have a strong foundation myself? That has been my struggle this past year in many areas. We never get past the gospel- and our understanding of the gospel and thus our view of God affects everything, we simply can not escape that!! Circumstances reveal how deep I truly believe the Gospel of Christ. And then even how I respond to the shallowness of my belief causes me even more despair! I have learned that I must always go back to the foundation of the gospel and ask the question- how does this show me about what I'm not believing about the gospel? No area is immuned to this probing question. To the degree that I'm applying the gospel to my life is the degree to which I can help others by asking this same question and thus help them lay a strong gospel foundation.
So as I coach people in the pool and in life I am constantly reminded how important the foundation really is and how it truly affects everything! I don't even know who taught me the swimming skills that I possess now but I am so, so thankful that they took the time to teach them to me! I do know the woman who taught me the spiritual foundation that God has made me the woman that I now am- Annette Ashley played a huge part in it but God has used so many amazing women along the way to continue to remind me of the importance of the gospel in every area of my life.
This goes along with my 2 Peter post from a few weeks ago and the importance of reminding people of these things! I am excited to spend the rest of my life continuing to be challenged by the radical gospel of Jesus Christ!!
Oh and why do I love coaching? I love to see the kids get it and turn their struggling stroke into a beautiful stroke! This is the same reason I love ministering to people- sharing the gospel with them and watching their eyes light up when they get it!! To watch their struggling lives be changed by the gospel and see them transformed before my very eyes- this is just a small taste of heaven to me!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Wahoo!!!
For the past 6 summers I have been heavily involved in a Campus Outreach Summer Project. So, summers for me have been pretty crazy and I have been traveling allllllll over the place. This summer is the first summer where I do not have to leave for a month and I also am not traveling all over the world. I was not very excited about not being crazy busy and all over the place so I began praying and asking God what He wants me to do with this summer and even for unique opportunities that I haven't been able to take advantage of.
One opportunity that I have been presented is to be an assistant coach on a summer rec swim team! This literally came out of the blue. The head coach is the older sister of one of my former teammates at UNF. The original assistant coach quick right before the season started and so the head coach was scrambling and heard that I was around this summer so she got in contact with me!
I am so excited to be back around the swimming pool again and even more excited to share with these young simmers my love of swimming! This is a wonderful opportunity to be a part of the Jacksonville community as well.
I could definitely use prayers for wisdom as I coach these kids and interact with their parents! I want to coach these kids so well and help them get better- I need to know the balance of pushing them to work hard yet not making them feel discouraged! I have definitely had my fair share of bad and discouraging coaches so I am trying to just do the opposite of what I learned from them!
I'm excited to be a swim coach for the glory of God!!!
By the way- the name of my team is the Wahoos- hence the blog title. :)
One opportunity that I have been presented is to be an assistant coach on a summer rec swim team! This literally came out of the blue. The head coach is the older sister of one of my former teammates at UNF. The original assistant coach quick right before the season started and so the head coach was scrambling and heard that I was around this summer so she got in contact with me!
I am so excited to be back around the swimming pool again and even more excited to share with these young simmers my love of swimming! This is a wonderful opportunity to be a part of the Jacksonville community as well.
I could definitely use prayers for wisdom as I coach these kids and interact with their parents! I want to coach these kids so well and help them get better- I need to know the balance of pushing them to work hard yet not making them feel discouraged! I have definitely had my fair share of bad and discouraging coaches so I am trying to just do the opposite of what I learned from them!
I'm excited to be a swim coach for the glory of God!!!
By the way- the name of my team is the Wahoos- hence the blog title. :)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I Hate Dating!!
I've always been told never to say that I hate something but well I have to admit that I really do hate dating. No I don't hate all types of dating but the dating that feels like an audition rather than a friendship. Now I do not have a ton of experience in this area and actually I tend to run the other way if there is an attractive man in the same room as me- the reason I run is because I just hate dating and I don't even want to allow room for the opportunity for a date!
The last 2 guys I "dated" (and I use the word dating loosely) felt more like I was being auditioned for the perfect wife role. I had such a hard time being myself because I didn't know these guys and I was forced into being in intimate settings with them and to share my life and my feelings with them. It was so difficult for me and my walls were up very high. I felt uncomfortable the whole time and it became so exhausting! I desired to build more of a friendship with these guys but they were both pretty insistent on talking and acting as more than friends- which I am very bad at. I would freeze up and not be myself. I think that both guys got glimpses of who I am but they in no way saw the real Jenny. Neither of them stuck around long enough to allow me to put my walls down to show them who I really am.
This really bothers me and haunts me because I so love connecting with people and building relationships- it is a huge value to me. When I struggled in connecting and feeling comfortable with the first guy I kind of shrugged it off because well let's just say that guy was everything but a wonderful Godly and mature man, but when I had the same type of issues with the second guy who was absolutely wonderful and incredible- my fears were confirmed.
I guess I would say that my ideal "dating" situation would be being friends with a guy and having shared experiences with him. I would love to be able to build the foundation of friendship in a community where I can see him interact with others and he could observe me as well. I would love to be able to go out with a guy for dinner not feeling like I am on an audition but because he has observed me being the ridiculous girl that I am and wanting to spend more time with me. Because I would be comfortable with him, I would be more able to be myself and feel safe to be more vulnerable. These previous dates I was so nervous and was just waiting for them to find something about me that they didn't like. I know that these insecurities are not all to blame on the guys but feeling analyzed and scrutinized to make sure I fit their qualifications or to make sure that I'm worth the pursuit or the distance or whatever it is certainly does not help a girl!
So, my conclusion in all of this is that the Lord will truly have to work a miracle in this area if He desires for me to be married. He would need to provide a very patient, loving, confident, and affirming man to minister to and befriend this insecure, quirky, independent woman! And at this point in my life- I could care less if he is taller than me- I've given up on that dream! ;)
The last 2 guys I "dated" (and I use the word dating loosely) felt more like I was being auditioned for the perfect wife role. I had such a hard time being myself because I didn't know these guys and I was forced into being in intimate settings with them and to share my life and my feelings with them. It was so difficult for me and my walls were up very high. I felt uncomfortable the whole time and it became so exhausting! I desired to build more of a friendship with these guys but they were both pretty insistent on talking and acting as more than friends- which I am very bad at. I would freeze up and not be myself. I think that both guys got glimpses of who I am but they in no way saw the real Jenny. Neither of them stuck around long enough to allow me to put my walls down to show them who I really am.
This really bothers me and haunts me because I so love connecting with people and building relationships- it is a huge value to me. When I struggled in connecting and feeling comfortable with the first guy I kind of shrugged it off because well let's just say that guy was everything but a wonderful Godly and mature man, but when I had the same type of issues with the second guy who was absolutely wonderful and incredible- my fears were confirmed.
I guess I would say that my ideal "dating" situation would be being friends with a guy and having shared experiences with him. I would love to be able to build the foundation of friendship in a community where I can see him interact with others and he could observe me as well. I would love to be able to go out with a guy for dinner not feeling like I am on an audition but because he has observed me being the ridiculous girl that I am and wanting to spend more time with me. Because I would be comfortable with him, I would be more able to be myself and feel safe to be more vulnerable. These previous dates I was so nervous and was just waiting for them to find something about me that they didn't like. I know that these insecurities are not all to blame on the guys but feeling analyzed and scrutinized to make sure I fit their qualifications or to make sure that I'm worth the pursuit or the distance or whatever it is certainly does not help a girl!
So, my conclusion in all of this is that the Lord will truly have to work a miracle in this area if He desires for me to be married. He would need to provide a very patient, loving, confident, and affirming man to minister to and befriend this insecure, quirky, independent woman! And at this point in my life- I could care less if he is taller than me- I've given up on that dream! ;)
Thoughts on 2 Peter
I love, love, love reading the accounts of Peter and what he writes to the saints- mostly because I see so much of myself in Peter's rashness and immaturity but still the presence of his desire to be used by the Lord. 1 and 2 Peter have so much more meaning when I read them after knowing and seeing his struggles and failures firsthand in the Gospels and Acts.
2 Peter 1:12-15
So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus has made it clear to me. And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.
What will Peter remind the people of?
their election and calling
why? because our memory always needs refreshing and reminding. We act in light of who we believe ourselves to be- Peter gets that!!
we must always review the basics of our Christian faith. Good athletes can execute the fundamentals consistently well. We must not neglect the basics of our faith when we go on to study "deeper" truths. Just as an athlete needs constant practice, so do we need constant reminders of the fundamentals of our faith and how we came to believe in the first place. I must not allow myself to be bored or impatient with messages on the "basics" of the Christian life. I must practice and refine the basics as an athlete does even while learning more advanced skills.
- Do I care so deeply about God's truth and promises that I will go to great lengths to remind believers? And when I'm away from them will I continue to think and pray for them?
- Do I want to challenge other believers out of my love for Christ? even when it's hard and uncomfortable?
I, myself, need reminding!! Peter says that he will ALWAYS be ready to remind them of these things!
- He was aware of the human heart and how it doubts and distorts the cross
- He recognizes how we need to be reminded of the simplicity of the Gospel
- he knows that people need to be in a community where they can understand, grasp and teach God's truth.
In other words, Peter's eyes were off of himself and on those who were around him. His ultimate goal was to see where the people were at and meet them there and be a part of helping them move forward in their relationship with God. This is taxing, uncomfortable, and not easy! Yet- it is the most rewarding thing any of us could ever be a part of!
2 Peter 1:12-15
So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus has made it clear to me. And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.
What will Peter remind the people of?
their election and calling
why? because our memory always needs refreshing and reminding. We act in light of who we believe ourselves to be- Peter gets that!!
we must always review the basics of our Christian faith. Good athletes can execute the fundamentals consistently well. We must not neglect the basics of our faith when we go on to study "deeper" truths. Just as an athlete needs constant practice, so do we need constant reminders of the fundamentals of our faith and how we came to believe in the first place. I must not allow myself to be bored or impatient with messages on the "basics" of the Christian life. I must practice and refine the basics as an athlete does even while learning more advanced skills.
- Do I care so deeply about God's truth and promises that I will go to great lengths to remind believers? And when I'm away from them will I continue to think and pray for them?
- Do I want to challenge other believers out of my love for Christ? even when it's hard and uncomfortable?
I, myself, need reminding!! Peter says that he will ALWAYS be ready to remind them of these things!
- He was aware of the human heart and how it doubts and distorts the cross
- He recognizes how we need to be reminded of the simplicity of the Gospel
- he knows that people need to be in a community where they can understand, grasp and teach God's truth.
In other words, Peter's eyes were off of himself and on those who were around him. His ultimate goal was to see where the people were at and meet them there and be a part of helping them move forward in their relationship with God. This is taxing, uncomfortable, and not easy! Yet- it is the most rewarding thing any of us could ever be a part of!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
To Love God is to Love His Will
To Love God is to love His will. It is to wait quietly for life to be measured out by the One who knows us through and through.
E.B. Pusley's rules to gain contentment:
1) Allow thyself to complain of nothing, not even the weather
2)Never picture thyself to thyself under any circumstances in which thou are not
3) Never compare thine own lot with that of another
4) Never allow thyself to dwell on the wish that this or that had been, or were, otherwise than it was, or is. God Almighty loves thee better and more wisely than thou doest thyself.
5) Never dwell on the morrow. Remember, that it is God's not thine. The heaviest part of sorrow often is to look forward to it. "The Lord will provide."
Thoughts- perfection does not consist in understanding God's design but in submitting to them. The whole essence of the spiritual life consists in recognizing the designs of God for us at that present moment- and that is something I don't want to miss!!
These notes and quotes were written by me in my journal August 13, 2004. I had just graduated from college and had spent 2 months in South Africa. I was trying to figure out what God wanted to do with my life. I know that when I was struggling through many questions and adjusting to life after college that I thought that this was probably the only time that I would be struggling with contentment- well as we all know- it is a lifelong struggle. Almost 6 years later I sit here with the same struggles, all the while preaching these truth's to my soul so that I won't be paralyzed by unmet dreams or fear of the future- and I know that this will not be my last time. I do pray that each time I am filled with doubt of God's provision, disappointment with what isn't happening in my life, I will have increasingly more in my arsenal to preach to my heart and soul because I know that as life continues the contentment issue only increases and involves bigger struggles than grades or cars.
E.B. Pusley's rules to gain contentment:
1) Allow thyself to complain of nothing, not even the weather
2)Never picture thyself to thyself under any circumstances in which thou are not
3) Never compare thine own lot with that of another
4) Never allow thyself to dwell on the wish that this or that had been, or were, otherwise than it was, or is. God Almighty loves thee better and more wisely than thou doest thyself.
5) Never dwell on the morrow. Remember, that it is God's not thine. The heaviest part of sorrow often is to look forward to it. "The Lord will provide."
Thoughts- perfection does not consist in understanding God's design but in submitting to them. The whole essence of the spiritual life consists in recognizing the designs of God for us at that present moment- and that is something I don't want to miss!!
These notes and quotes were written by me in my journal August 13, 2004. I had just graduated from college and had spent 2 months in South Africa. I was trying to figure out what God wanted to do with my life. I know that when I was struggling through many questions and adjusting to life after college that I thought that this was probably the only time that I would be struggling with contentment- well as we all know- it is a lifelong struggle. Almost 6 years later I sit here with the same struggles, all the while preaching these truth's to my soul so that I won't be paralyzed by unmet dreams or fear of the future- and I know that this will not be my last time. I do pray that each time I am filled with doubt of God's provision, disappointment with what isn't happening in my life, I will have increasingly more in my arsenal to preach to my heart and soul because I know that as life continues the contentment issue only increases and involves bigger struggles than grades or cars.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sweet Sisters
Colossians 1:3-7
We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints- the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all its truth.
I write this verse thinking about the girls that I have had the privilege to meet with over this past year. Today was my last day meeting with them for the semester. We spent a lot of time laughing and reflecting on the past semester and then we spent time praying for each other and for our ministries. I left my time with these girls with such a full heart and a goofy smile on my face. I am so blessed to spend my days watching God transform people's hearts and relationships. One of the biggest things we have been studying this semester is about the importance of community and I have really seen that happen between these girls who were virtually strangers in the beginning of the school year. One of the reasons community is so important is for ministry- to be on a team expanding God's Kingdom. It has been wonderful watching this happen before my eyes and the multiplying effects that it has had.
I struggle so much in ministry with expectation both of myself and those who I minister to. I confess that I have had many more disappointments than joys and I carry those disappointments with me often. I allow them to weigh me down and make me doubt God's call on my life- oftentimes I can become paralyzed by my discouragement. I look too often on what I don't see happening and miss what God is doing. I am so thankful to have taken time today to praise God for the
women He has raised up continually at UNF since my freshmen year and how He is not finished with this campus yet!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
May = Month of Love
My friends are so sweet and they want for me to be married so badly! I am so encouraged by them and the examples that their marriages set for me and what I am trusting God for but sometimes their zealousness can be a bit overwhelming.
I am pretty much never around single men my age so I don't really know how to act if I'm ever casually around a single man my age and I definitely don't know how to act when I'm around one that I'm being set up with!! Needless to say set ups for me leave plenty of room for awkwardness!
May 2007
So, why is May my month of love? Well it all started 3 years ago this upcoming May.
My former boss and his wife and I were all invited to the same wedding in May. I, of course, didn't have a date and they had the perfect person to set me up with. Unfortunately this particular guy couldn't make it to the wedding to be my date due to a prior commitment BUT he happened to be driving through Jacksonville and could meet for lunch! Well I still needed a date for the wedding so this sweet couple actually had another friend who was going to be in town the actual day of the wedding and thought that he would be a fun date.
So I meet with guy #1 for lunch along with this married couple. This guy was super, super attractive and super charismatic- and he had a southern accent!!!!!! I thought I was going to die. He did the same thing as I did and had a very similar testimony as me so it was wonderful to connect with him in those things. I was just impressed that I actually formed a semi-coherent sentence. Anyway guy #1 had to be on his way but he said he loved meeting me and looked forward to talking soon.
Now onto guy #2. I meet him right before the wedding and the 4 of us journey to the wedding together. Guy #2 is super nice and funny but not super attractive (i know that sounds so shallow). I laughed a lot but we really didn't have a lot to connect over, which was fine with me. Towards the end of the reception I got the feeling that he might think that we had more of a connection than I thought we did and I panicked because, well, I just don't know how to handle these type of things!! The four of us leave the reception and head back to the couples home. They all get out of the car and I thank them all for a wonderful time and head to my car, just as I think I've made my escape, I hear a tap on my car window. I roll down my window and guy #2 asks if he could get my number so he could call me. I respond with an enthusiastic "Of course you can!" I then give him my number and he calls me the next day.
So want to know what happened with guy #1- I heard nothing from him for about a month then all of a sudden he started texting me (not sure how he got my number) and being flirty and then I never heard from him again. The last thing I heard about him was that he was getting married very soon- glad to see that he can commit, I was a little worried about him.
Guy #2- called me a few times, I of course didn't answer because I am such a mature woman... Yeah... Anyway, he has been married for a few months now.
Glad everything turned out well for these 2 guys!! So that was May 2007 (I believe)
May 2008
Ok, so next May (2008). As May was approaching I was thinking back to the previous May and was chuckling to myself about the insanity of it all. I was at lunch with a friend and I get a call from one of my co-workers asking what I was doing because he had somebody that he wanted me to meet. I asked him if he meant right this second and he said yes, of course, he was having lunch with him. Well, I was in no way dressed or prepared to meet an attractive single guy! I raced home and tried to do something with my mess of hair and reapply some sort of make up. I head over to their lunch place and proceed to meet my set up. He was very charming and fun to talk with. I spent the rest of their lunch with them. That particular summer I was traveling all over the place so we went on dates and met up when we could. I will probably be writing more about him in the future so I'll just say that it officially ended in October and I couldn't be happier. Unlike the previous "May men" he is not married and if he ever does get married I would love to meet that woman!
May 2009
Now onto May 2009. This was my favorite "May man" by far. I was joking with my friend Heather right about this time last year that I think my month of love was coming to an end because I literally could not guess where I would meet a guy this upcoming May. I'm sure God got a good laugh out of that conversation. Hmmm what to say about our meeting... I'm not sure because it still seems surreal and I feel annoyed and blessed all at the same time. I will say that I will definitely be writing in more detail about this latest "May man" but for this post I'll be brief. I met this guy at a meeting of about 40 or so people who are involved in full-time ministry. I had seen this guy a few months before and thought he was cute but never thought I'd ever see him again. I definitely thought he was attractive and he was definitely my type and I DEFINITELY was not going to talk to him at all!! Anyway he actually came up and introduced himself to me and I thought that he might have been a bit interested in me so I freaked out and ran away (once again, being the mature woman that I am). The meeting ended and he left and I thought that I would never get to talk to this man again. Lo and behold I got a new friend request on facebook from this man. We became friends on facebook and started to write to each to each other and realized we had a lot in common and shared a lot of the same theological beliefs and so many other wonderful things. We talked through out the summer and spent time together (we didn't live in the same state). I learned many, many, many things about the Lord, men, relationships, and myself because of this "May man." In August we were done. He is not married and I'm definitely interested to see who the Lord would have him marry- she would have to be quite the catch! I am looking forward to sharing more in future posts about all that I learned in this past year because of last May.
So, now that brings us to this May. Who knows??? Only the Lord does and His word tells us that He can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine- only according to His power- not mine!!
I want to make sure that you know that my tone in these postings about these guys is humor. I love to laugh and I love having my life make others laugh. Yes, rejection and broken dreams are hard but I am so thankful that the Lord has given me a sense of humor to be able to laugh at these things that the Lord has given me!
I am pretty much never around single men my age so I don't really know how to act if I'm ever casually around a single man my age and I definitely don't know how to act when I'm around one that I'm being set up with!! Needless to say set ups for me leave plenty of room for awkwardness!
May 2007
So, why is May my month of love? Well it all started 3 years ago this upcoming May.
My former boss and his wife and I were all invited to the same wedding in May. I, of course, didn't have a date and they had the perfect person to set me up with. Unfortunately this particular guy couldn't make it to the wedding to be my date due to a prior commitment BUT he happened to be driving through Jacksonville and could meet for lunch! Well I still needed a date for the wedding so this sweet couple actually had another friend who was going to be in town the actual day of the wedding and thought that he would be a fun date.
So I meet with guy #1 for lunch along with this married couple. This guy was super, super attractive and super charismatic- and he had a southern accent!!!!!! I thought I was going to die. He did the same thing as I did and had a very similar testimony as me so it was wonderful to connect with him in those things. I was just impressed that I actually formed a semi-coherent sentence. Anyway guy #1 had to be on his way but he said he loved meeting me and looked forward to talking soon.
Now onto guy #2. I meet him right before the wedding and the 4 of us journey to the wedding together. Guy #2 is super nice and funny but not super attractive (i know that sounds so shallow). I laughed a lot but we really didn't have a lot to connect over, which was fine with me. Towards the end of the reception I got the feeling that he might think that we had more of a connection than I thought we did and I panicked because, well, I just don't know how to handle these type of things!! The four of us leave the reception and head back to the couples home. They all get out of the car and I thank them all for a wonderful time and head to my car, just as I think I've made my escape, I hear a tap on my car window. I roll down my window and guy #2 asks if he could get my number so he could call me. I respond with an enthusiastic "Of course you can!" I then give him my number and he calls me the next day.
So want to know what happened with guy #1- I heard nothing from him for about a month then all of a sudden he started texting me (not sure how he got my number) and being flirty and then I never heard from him again. The last thing I heard about him was that he was getting married very soon- glad to see that he can commit, I was a little worried about him.
Guy #2- called me a few times, I of course didn't answer because I am such a mature woman... Yeah... Anyway, he has been married for a few months now.
Glad everything turned out well for these 2 guys!! So that was May 2007 (I believe)
May 2008
Ok, so next May (2008). As May was approaching I was thinking back to the previous May and was chuckling to myself about the insanity of it all. I was at lunch with a friend and I get a call from one of my co-workers asking what I was doing because he had somebody that he wanted me to meet. I asked him if he meant right this second and he said yes, of course, he was having lunch with him. Well, I was in no way dressed or prepared to meet an attractive single guy! I raced home and tried to do something with my mess of hair and reapply some sort of make up. I head over to their lunch place and proceed to meet my set up. He was very charming and fun to talk with. I spent the rest of their lunch with them. That particular summer I was traveling all over the place so we went on dates and met up when we could. I will probably be writing more about him in the future so I'll just say that it officially ended in October and I couldn't be happier. Unlike the previous "May men" he is not married and if he ever does get married I would love to meet that woman!
May 2009
Now onto May 2009. This was my favorite "May man" by far. I was joking with my friend Heather right about this time last year that I think my month of love was coming to an end because I literally could not guess where I would meet a guy this upcoming May. I'm sure God got a good laugh out of that conversation. Hmmm what to say about our meeting... I'm not sure because it still seems surreal and I feel annoyed and blessed all at the same time. I will say that I will definitely be writing in more detail about this latest "May man" but for this post I'll be brief. I met this guy at a meeting of about 40 or so people who are involved in full-time ministry. I had seen this guy a few months before and thought he was cute but never thought I'd ever see him again. I definitely thought he was attractive and he was definitely my type and I DEFINITELY was not going to talk to him at all!! Anyway he actually came up and introduced himself to me and I thought that he might have been a bit interested in me so I freaked out and ran away (once again, being the mature woman that I am). The meeting ended and he left and I thought that I would never get to talk to this man again. Lo and behold I got a new friend request on facebook from this man. We became friends on facebook and started to write to each to each other and realized we had a lot in common and shared a lot of the same theological beliefs and so many other wonderful things. We talked through out the summer and spent time together (we didn't live in the same state). I learned many, many, many things about the Lord, men, relationships, and myself because of this "May man." In August we were done. He is not married and I'm definitely interested to see who the Lord would have him marry- she would have to be quite the catch! I am looking forward to sharing more in future posts about all that I learned in this past year because of last May.
So, now that brings us to this May. Who knows??? Only the Lord does and His word tells us that He can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine- only according to His power- not mine!!
I want to make sure that you know that my tone in these postings about these guys is humor. I love to laugh and I love having my life make others laugh. Yes, rejection and broken dreams are hard but I am so thankful that the Lord has given me a sense of humor to be able to laugh at these things that the Lord has given me!
name change
This weekend I was at a good friend's wedding and at the rehearsal dinner the topic of my blog came up in conversation. My good friend Josiah started getting onto me about the fact that on facebook when I introduce my blog I reassured everyone that when I shared stories (specifically ones about guys) that the names will be changed. He didn't like that I was going to do that and said that I should spill it all. Most of the time I listen to him but after much thought I think I've decided to keep the names private mainly because I know in my heart the only reason I would use their names would be so that I could get some type of revenge on them for "wronging" me. I don't want revenge at all but what I do want and hope is that some will learn from the mistakes and wrong expectations I had (and still have) when it comes to guys.
Sorry Josiah!!! But hey- your name made it into my blog!! :) Josiah is the taller one on my right, the other guy is Ben. They are both wonderful men and guess what-- they are both single, ladies!!!! haha
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
An Exchange of Joys
Isaiah 54 begins with "Sing, O barren one, who did not bear, break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of you tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your chords and strengthen your stakes."
Why should I sing? I'm barren and unable to multiply because I'm still single!!
I can sing because of God's eternal covenant of peace. The everlasting love of God will heal all of my sorrows. God is telling me to prepare joyfully for the future that He has for me!
I am here smack in the middle of 2 weddings of girls who I care about so deeply. I'm full of excitement and joy for these 2 couples but then in my quiet times I become filled with such longing and questions about God's plan for my life in this area.
I have felt lately that God has taken a magnifying glass to this particular area over this past year. A lot of times I have been so frustrated and honestly annoyed at the Lord's blatant attention to this area- it literally feels like I can not escape from talk of marriage or being involved in weddings in some way- whether it be a bridesmaid, cake cutter, or guest book coordinator. While sometimes I feel like God is being cruel, I do actuall
y feel like He is just being a surgeon. He is being so intentional to expose the idols in my heart and He's doing it by allowing me to be a part of these wonderful women's lives as they get what I so badly desire. It is a fight to keep my eyes off of myself and keep them on these girls. I feel so blessed to be a part of what God has called them to, yet my heart is breaking at the loss of my dreams year after year.
I truly am thankful for the Lord's commitment to exposure in this area. Isaiah 54 has been something that I've been looking to and meditating on. God is telling the barren woman to rejoice and is also foretelling of the new covenant (Galatians 4:25-28) where I can have spiritual children!!
This makes me think of the wonderful exchange of joys that I'm able to experience because my dreams of being a wife and mother haven't happened yet and truthfully may never happen.
Here are a few things that come to mind:
I've been able to work for the past 5 years with a ministry that I wholeheartedly believe in (that would be Campus Outreach Florida)
I have traveled to many places in the world without worrying about what I'm leaving behind
I have watched God open countless women's eyes to His glory and grace in their lives
I have experienced the supernatural provision of the Lord by living on support for over 5 years- the Lord is my ultimate provider!
I have been able to give my life fully to others without worrying or struggling with how to balance my family life
I've been able to show young girls that marriage is not the ultimate life goal- God's glory is
I've been able to experience many, many awkward dates and set-ups with guys that I will be sharing more of in the near future :)
I've seen God use my brokenness in this area to draw me closer to Him
God has (and continues to) give me capacity to have many spiritual daughters, some of which are-
my past and future roommates, student-athletes, new w
ives, going to Africa, about to graduate, co-workers, teachers, sorority members, and so on...
As painful as it sometimes can be, I truly am so thankful that the Lord is pressing in on me in this area. He is committed to His glory in my life and that takes exposure- which isn't pretty!
Why should I sing? I'm barren and unable to multiply because I'm still single!!
I can sing because of God's eternal covenant of peace. The everlasting love of God will heal all of my sorrows. God is telling me to prepare joyfully for the future that He has for me!
I am here smack in the middle of 2 weddings of girls who I care about so deeply. I'm full of excitement and joy for these 2 couples but then in my quiet times I become filled with such longing and questions about God's plan for my life in this area.
I have felt lately that God has taken a magnifying glass to this particular area over this past year. A lot of times I have been so frustrated and honestly annoyed at the Lord's blatant attention to this area- it literally feels like I can not escape from talk of marriage or being involved in weddings in some way- whether it be a bridesmaid, cake cutter, or guest book coordinator. While sometimes I feel like God is being cruel, I do actuall
y feel like He is just being a surgeon. He is being so intentional to expose the idols in my heart and He's doing it by allowing me to be a part of these wonderful women's lives as they get what I so badly desire. It is a fight to keep my eyes off of myself and keep them on these girls. I feel so blessed to be a part of what God has called them to, yet my heart is breaking at the loss of my dreams year after year.I truly am thankful for the Lord's commitment to exposure in this area. Isaiah 54 has been something that I've been looking to and meditating on. God is telling the barren woman to rejoice and is also foretelling of the new covenant (Galatians 4:25-28) where I can have spiritual children!!
This makes me think of the wonderful exchange of joys that I'm able to experience because my dreams of being a wife and mother haven't happened yet and truthfully may never happen.
Here are a few things that come to mind:
I've been able to work for the past 5 years with a ministry that I wholeheartedly believe in (that would be Campus Outreach Florida)
I have traveled to many places in the world without worrying about what I'm leaving behind
I have watched God open countless women's eyes to His glory and grace in their lives
I have experienced the supernatural provision of the Lord by living on support for over 5 years- the Lord is my ultimate provider!
I have been able to give my life fully to others without worrying or struggling with how to balance my family life
I've been able to show young girls that marriage is not the ultimate life goal- God's glory is
I've been able to experience many, many awkward dates and set-ups with guys that I will be sharing more of in the near future :)
I've seen God use my brokenness in this area to draw me closer to Him
God has (and continues to) give me capacity to have many spiritual daughters, some of which are-
my past and future roommates, student-athletes, new w
ives, going to Africa, about to graduate, co-workers, teachers, sorority members, and so on...As painful as it sometimes can be, I truly am so thankful that the Lord is pressing in on me in this area. He is committed to His glory in my life and that takes exposure- which isn't pretty!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Intentionally Detached
So many thoughts go through my mind as I approach the Easter weekend. I feel such gratefulness, sadness, joy, awe, and a little bit of guilt. I mention the guilt because I still can't believe that the Perfect Son of Man would die for the sins of many. I still can't believe that He would want to save a selfish brat like myself when I am so concerned with my life, my dreams, and my comfort- my, my, my!!!! I titled this "Intentionally Detached" because this comes from a sermon I listened to about 4 years ago and it still sits with me today because unlike Jesus I am not detached to myself or the things of the world. Allow me to explain...
The text of this is Luke 9:51-62
In the beginning of this text Jesus is heading towards Jerusalem. The people in a Samaritan village He was about to pass through heard He was coming and made it very known to Him that He was not welcome. Of course Jesus didn't get upset and actually saved this village from James and John calling down judgment on this village.
In the next section we kind of listen in on a conversation about the cost of following Christ and His challenge to hold onto the things of this world very loosely.
Some reflection questions I get from this text are:
Am I too attached to myself, my opinions, my need to be right?
My need is to be detached. I must detach myself from the things of this world so that I can serve Him faithfully and with both hands!
My service to Jesus is directly and adversely affected by my attachments to this life.
Jesus detached Himself from what this world deserves and attaches Himself to showing mercy- Jesus goes to people who do not deserve His mercy!
I need to be intentional about detaching myself from the world and its comforts, from my value system, from the pursuit of human affections and their idolatry.
In order to detach myself from these things I must ask the Lord to reveal how attached I am to these things. I think the Lord began to reveal how attached I am to many of these things while I was in India and observed how detached the Indian Christians were. Their detachment allowed for them to be so freed up. They were freed up to love God deeply and in turn love people deeply. I have never seen anything like it in my life. I was/am so utterly convicted by such Christ-like examples that I had the privilege to witness.
The text of this is Luke 9:51-62
In the beginning of this text Jesus is heading towards Jerusalem. The people in a Samaritan village He was about to pass through heard He was coming and made it very known to Him that He was not welcome. Of course Jesus didn't get upset and actually saved this village from James and John calling down judgment on this village.
In the next section we kind of listen in on a conversation about the cost of following Christ and His challenge to hold onto the things of this world very loosely.
Some reflection questions I get from this text are:
Am I too attached to myself, my opinions, my need to be right?
My need is to be detached. I must detach myself from the things of this world so that I can serve Him faithfully and with both hands!
My service to Jesus is directly and adversely affected by my attachments to this life.
Jesus detached Himself from what this world deserves and attaches Himself to showing mercy- Jesus goes to people who do not deserve His mercy!
I need to be intentional about detaching myself from the world and its comforts, from my value system, from the pursuit of human affections and their idolatry.
In order to detach myself from these things I must ask the Lord to reveal how attached I am to these things. I think the Lord began to reveal how attached I am to many of these things while I was in India and observed how detached the Indian Christians were. Their detachment allowed for them to be so freed up. They were freed up to love God deeply and in turn love people deeply. I have never seen anything like it in my life. I was/am so utterly convicted by such Christ-like examples that I had the privilege to witness.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Psalm 42
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul thirsts for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your god?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul; how I used to speak to the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast o my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of Jordan, the heights of Hermon- from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls, all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me- a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by my enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
I just love this beautiful Psalm. I think I like it because it is a good example of my up and down prayers that I pray and the psalmists honesty before the Lord. It seems as if just when we get to the point where we truly desire God and long for Him, enemies creep up and cause us to question even the existence of God much less that He cares about little old me! Satan and unbelievers cause us to question God because they can target areas where God hasn't really done what I've wanted Him to do. So, this area is already weak and they seem to push in on it. When (not if) this happens we take the focus off of who God is and what He HAS done and instead look at areas that cause us to doubt the goodness of God.
I also think the psalmist shows a great example of preaching to yourself when you feel attacked and your soul is downcast within. Even to pause and ask why my soul feels downcast will cause me to get to the root of things and then once I do, I'll be able to effectively preach to myself who God is and remember ALL that He has done!
This psalm confirms that this the thirst we have in this life is real, the longing is there and it is a fight to go to the Everlasting One to quench our thirst instead of to quick fixes like success, relationships, and many other things we look to in this life.
I just love this beautiful Psalm. I think I like it because it is a good example of my up and down prayers that I pray and the psalmists honesty before the Lord. It seems as if just when we get to the point where we truly desire God and long for Him, enemies creep up and cause us to question even the existence of God much less that He cares about little old me! Satan and unbelievers cause us to question God because they can target areas where God hasn't really done what I've wanted Him to do. So, this area is already weak and they seem to push in on it. When (not if) this happens we take the focus off of who God is and what He HAS done and instead look at areas that cause us to doubt the goodness of God.
I also think the psalmist shows a great example of preaching to yourself when you feel attacked and your soul is downcast within. Even to pause and ask why my soul feels downcast will cause me to get to the root of things and then once I do, I'll be able to effectively preach to myself who God is and remember ALL that He has done!
This psalm confirms that this the thirst we have in this life is real, the longing is there and it is a fight to go to the Everlasting One to quench our thirst instead of to quick fixes like success, relationships, and many other things we look to in this life.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Good-bye UNF Swimming
This week was a difficult week for a number of reasons and one of the contributors was the UNF Athletic Director announcing that he was cutting the UNF woman's swimming program. Coach Moon is a friend of mine and he talked with me pretty extensively about the problems both with the facility and with the leadership of the team. I know that cutting the program was a very hard decision for him but I do believe that was something he needed to do. All that being said it is still disappointing for me. The team started my freshmen year of college and I walked on my sophomore year. Even though I wasn't on the team my first year, I invested a lot of time, prayers, and tears into that team and trying to make it a success. Even after I graduated UNF and came on staff with Campus Outreach I spent a lot of time meeting with the girls on the team and helping out when they needed me. Below is what I wrote the day that Coach Moon made the announcement.
"Well, today the UNF Swimming and Diving Program was officially shut down. I'm not too surprised but I am very sad about it all. It's hard when something that meant so much to me and was so instrumental in my spiritual growth simply go away as I stand by helplessly. I can't help but to think about what Christ said about a kernel of wheat not being able to reproduce itself unless it dies. Things are sad and dark for a time when something or someone dies but that death leaves room for so much more. I think about Christ's death, yes of course He had impact on this earth, but He had to die in order to have the eternal impact that I and so many others experience today. I believe that all areas of our life are kernels that truly must die to produce God-glorifying fruit. I think the swim team was one of those things and a recent relationship was another. These are things that I just wouldn't let go of so that they could fall to the ground to produce fruit for His glory- I wanted it all for my glory and to find significance in. I need forgiveness for holding onto these things so tightly because I just don't want to suffer through that pain of death. I need the Lord to give me strength to let go and let these things fall."
The verse I was thinking on was John 12:23-26 Jesus replied," The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must also follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Where the journey began...
Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
The first time I read this verse was as a freshman in college right after I began my relationship with Christ. I have loved seeing God's plan unravel in my life over these past 10 years as He has called me on a journey I never would've chosen for myself. I know that this journey began before my freshmen year, but that was the first time I ever acknowledged this journey. We are all going someplace and walking towards something, and growing up I always wondered where I was going and if my life had any significance- what a relief to read this passage as an 18-year-old!
I am thankful for my hope that is found alone in Jesus Christ and for His presence in my life. I am a blessed woman who has gotten to do many, many things that I never dreamed about! I've also experienced many struggles and heartaches and broken dreams on this journey. I love how the Lord takes the darkest times and redeems them for His glory and one of the ways He does that is by imparting wisdom to us through the suffering. God is committed to each of us knowing Him in intimate ways and through knowing (and fearing!) the Lord comes much wisdom. I am excited to write about how the Lord has used many, many things to continue to draw me to Himself, I pray that whoever is reading this can relate and be encouraged as well!!
The first time I read this verse was as a freshman in college right after I began my relationship with Christ. I have loved seeing God's plan unravel in my life over these past 10 years as He has called me on a journey I never would've chosen for myself. I know that this journey began before my freshmen year, but that was the first time I ever acknowledged this journey. We are all going someplace and walking towards something, and growing up I always wondered where I was going and if my life had any significance- what a relief to read this passage as an 18-year-old!
I am thankful for my hope that is found alone in Jesus Christ and for His presence in my life. I am a blessed woman who has gotten to do many, many things that I never dreamed about! I've also experienced many struggles and heartaches and broken dreams on this journey. I love how the Lord takes the darkest times and redeems them for His glory and one of the ways He does that is by imparting wisdom to us through the suffering. God is committed to each of us knowing Him in intimate ways and through knowing (and fearing!) the Lord comes much wisdom. I am excited to write about how the Lord has used many, many things to continue to draw me to Himself, I pray that whoever is reading this can relate and be encouraged as well!!
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