Psalm 42

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul thirsts for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your god?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul; how I used to speak to the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast o my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of Jordan, the heights of Hermon- from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls, all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me- a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by my enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

I just love this beautiful Psalm. I think I like it because it is a good example of my up and down prayers that I pray and the psalmists honesty before the Lord. It seems as if just when we get to the point where we truly desire God and long for Him, enemies creep up and cause us to question even the existence of God much less that He cares about little old me! Satan and unbelievers cause us to question God because they can target areas where God hasn't really done what I've wanted Him to do. So, this area is already weak and they seem to push in on it. When (not if) this happens we take the focus off of who God is and what He HAS done and instead look at areas that cause us to doubt the goodness of God.

I also think the psalmist shows a great example of preaching to yourself when you feel attacked and your soul is downcast within. Even to pause and ask why my soul feels downcast will cause me to get to the root of things and then once I do, I'll be able to effectively preach to myself who God is and remember ALL that He has done!

This psalm confirms that this the thirst we have in this life is real, the longing is there and it is a fight to go to the Everlasting One to quench our thirst instead of to quick fixes like success, relationships, and many other things we look to in this life.

Good-bye UNF Swimming

This week was a difficult week for a number of reasons and one of the contributors was the UNF Athletic Director announcing that he was cutting the UNF woman's swimming program. Coach Moon is a friend of mine and he talked with me pretty extensively about the problems both with the facility and with the leadership of the team. I know that cutting the program was a very hard decision for him but I do believe that was something he needed to do. All that being said it is still disappointing for me. The team started my freshmen year of college and I walked on my sophomore year. Even though I wasn't on the team my first year, I invested a lot of time, prayers, and tears into that team and trying to make it a success. Even after I graduated UNF and came on staff with Campus Outreach I spent a lot of time meeting with the girls on the team and helping out when they needed me. Below is what I wrote the day that Coach Moon made the announcement.

"Well, today the UNF Swimming and Diving Program was officially shut down. I'm not too surprised but I am very sad about it all. It's hard when something that meant so much to me and was so instrumental in my spiritual growth simply go away as I stand by helplessly. I can't help but to think about what Christ said about a kernel of wheat not being able to reproduce itself unless it dies. Things are sad and dark for a time when something or someone dies but that death leaves room for so much more. I think about Christ's death, yes of course He had impact on this earth, but He had to die in order to have the eternal impact that I and so many others experience today. I believe that all areas of our life are kernels that truly must die to produce God-glorifying fruit. I think the swim team was one of those things and a recent relationship was another. These are things that I just wouldn't let go of so that they could fall to the ground to produce fruit for His glory- I wanted it all for my glory and to find significance in. I need forgiveness for holding onto these things so tightly because I just don't want to suffer through that pain of death. I need the Lord to give me strength to let go and let these things fall."
The verse I was thinking on was John 12:23-26 Jesus replied," The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must also follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

Overlooking the Rocky Mountains in Denver, CO

Where the journey began...

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

The first time I read this verse was as a freshman in college right after I began my relationship with Christ. I have loved seeing God's plan unravel in my life over these past 10 years as He has called me on a journey I never would've chosen for myself. I know that this journey began before my freshmen year, but that was the first time I ever acknowledged this journey. We are all going someplace and walking towards something, and growing up I always wondered where I was going and if my life had any significance- what a relief to read this passage as an 18-year-old!

I am thankful for my hope that is found alone in Jesus Christ and for His presence in my life. I am a blessed woman who has gotten to do many, many things that I never dreamed about! I've also experienced many struggles and heartaches and broken dreams on this journey. I love how the Lord takes the darkest times and redeems them for His glory and one of the ways He does that is by imparting wisdom to us through the suffering. God is committed to each of us knowing Him in intimate ways and through knowing (and fearing!) the Lord comes much wisdom. I am excited to write about how the Lord has used many, many things to continue to draw me to Himself, I pray that whoever is reading this can relate and be encouraged as well!!