"Where we most often sin in our own desire for marriage is not in worshiping marriage itself, but in doubting God's ability to bring it about."
- Candice Watters
Guilty!!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sweet Blessings During a Bittersweet Time
In Paul's passion filled letter to the Ephesian church much of what he writes to them is what he is praying for them. In Chapter 3:20-21 he reminds them that our Lord can do immeasurably more than ALL we can ask or imagine and the reason why is because His working is not according to our faith or power- but His power that is at work within us. Paul then reminds us that this power is working in and through us so that God can get the glory in this generation and in the next.
This passage has always meant so much to me and even more so at this point in my life. I struggle so much with doubt that the Lord would actually use me or has a perfect plan for my life. The mundane things in this life get me down as well as the broken dreams or unfulfilled desires. This verse seems to be telling us to dream big, to trust God for big or impossible things and to look around and watch Him work- for His glory. So often I don't even attempt hard or scary things because I am so scared to fail or look like a fool, but in reality, not stepping out in faith is the foolish thing to do knowing what we know about God and His mighty power within us. I am reminded of the C.S. Lewis quote that challenges us with how easily pleased we are with playing a mud pile when the Lord offers us a resort by the sea. We are often too preoccupied or scared to look up and see!
Paul addresses this earlier in Ephesians 1:18 when he writes- I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you...
We need to have spiritual eyes to see the great and glorious things in which the Lord is doing and has done- oftentimes those things don't look like much to the world. Take for example friendship. This is so important to me and is one of the top values of my life. I met most of my dearest friends my freshmen year of college right when I became a Christian and started understanding the things of the Lord. I have been friends with most of those girls for 10 years now. These aren't just my friends, these are my sisters, and my mentors. I learn from their lives and how they are wives and mothers and ministers. It is important for me to think about the time when I initially met them- it didn't seem like much at the time but the impact that they have had in my life is immeasurable.
Currently, I am struggling with looking around and only seeing what God hasn't done and desires that He hasn't fulfilled but Paul reminds me in Ephesians that where there might seem to be an emptiness there is room for the Lord to redeem that for His glory. This is the tension where I am living. I am tasting the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams and desires of having a husband and a family and seeing the Lord provide in that way yet I have to will myself daily to look up and see where He is working and blessing me. When I fight for this view I truly taste of the Lord's sweetness and am delighted in Him. I know that this is a struggle for every Christian in many different areas and I am very aware that if the Lord does ever provide a husband and a family then this longing will be transferred to another area so I am thankful that at 28 years young I have the opportunity to submit these things to the One who is worthy of all of my heart.
I am also thankful for the Lord abundantly providing in areas where I really didn't think to pray and ask Him to. He provided in His wisdom and I couldn't be more happy with His provision. As I mentioned before, He has provided me with wonderful sisters who have walked with me, and I've walked with them as well. We are currently spread out all over the country but we try to do a yearly reunion and we just got back from it a few weeks ago. These weekends are always fun and filled with laughs (mostly at my expense, as usual) and are always good reminders of the Lord's goodness to us. I come away from these weekends thinking that I got a little taste of what Heaven will be like one day.
Here is a poem that I recently read that made me think of these women and the friendships that we share-
Hide not thy tears, weep boldly and be found
To give the flowing virtue manly way;
'Tis natures mark to know an honest heart by;
Shame on those hearts that can not melt in soft a'loption of another's sorrow
No radiant pearl which created fortune wears,
No gem that twinkling, hangs, from beauty's ears, not the bright stars,
Which nights' blue arch adorn, nor
Rising suns that gild the vernal morn,
Shine with such lustre as the tear that treaks for other's woe
Down virtue's manly cheeks
- Darwin
Our friendships include many laughs but many tears as well as we trust the Lord to lead us through our journey Home and I am so thankful that He has provided friends to both rejoice and weep with.
This passage has always meant so much to me and even more so at this point in my life. I struggle so much with doubt that the Lord would actually use me or has a perfect plan for my life. The mundane things in this life get me down as well as the broken dreams or unfulfilled desires. This verse seems to be telling us to dream big, to trust God for big or impossible things and to look around and watch Him work- for His glory. So often I don't even attempt hard or scary things because I am so scared to fail or look like a fool, but in reality, not stepping out in faith is the foolish thing to do knowing what we know about God and His mighty power within us. I am reminded of the C.S. Lewis quote that challenges us with how easily pleased we are with playing a mud pile when the Lord offers us a resort by the sea. We are often too preoccupied or scared to look up and see!
Paul addresses this earlier in Ephesians 1:18 when he writes- I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you...
We need to have spiritual eyes to see the great and glorious things in which the Lord is doing and has done- oftentimes those things don't look like much to the world. Take for example friendship. This is so important to me and is one of the top values of my life. I met most of my dearest friends my freshmen year of college right when I became a Christian and started understanding the things of the Lord. I have been friends with most of those girls for 10 years now. These aren't just my friends, these are my sisters, and my mentors. I learn from their lives and how they are wives and mothers and ministers. It is important for me to think about the time when I initially met them- it didn't seem like much at the time but the impact that they have had in my life is immeasurable.
Currently, I am struggling with looking around and only seeing what God hasn't done and desires that He hasn't fulfilled but Paul reminds me in Ephesians that where there might seem to be an emptiness there is room for the Lord to redeem that for His glory. This is the tension where I am living. I am tasting the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams and desires of having a husband and a family and seeing the Lord provide in that way yet I have to will myself daily to look up and see where He is working and blessing me. When I fight for this view I truly taste of the Lord's sweetness and am delighted in Him. I know that this is a struggle for every Christian in many different areas and I am very aware that if the Lord does ever provide a husband and a family then this longing will be transferred to another area so I am thankful that at 28 years young I have the opportunity to submit these things to the One who is worthy of all of my heart.
I am also thankful for the Lord abundantly providing in areas where I really didn't think to pray and ask Him to. He provided in His wisdom and I couldn't be more happy with His provision. As I mentioned before, He has provided me with wonderful sisters who have walked with me, and I've walked with them as well. We are currently spread out all over the country but we try to do a yearly reunion and we just got back from it a few weeks ago. These weekends are always fun and filled with laughs (mostly at my expense, as usual) and are always good reminders of the Lord's goodness to us. I come away from these weekends thinking that I got a little taste of what Heaven will be like one day.
Here is a poem that I recently read that made me think of these women and the friendships that we share-
Hide not thy tears, weep boldly and be found
To give the flowing virtue manly way;
'Tis natures mark to know an honest heart by;
Shame on those hearts that can not melt in soft a'loption of another's sorrow
No radiant pearl which created fortune wears,
No gem that twinkling, hangs, from beauty's ears, not the bright stars,
Which nights' blue arch adorn, nor
Rising suns that gild the vernal morn,
Shine with such lustre as the tear that treaks for other's woe
Down virtue's manly cheeks
- Darwin
Our friendships include many laughs but many tears as well as we trust the Lord to lead us through our journey Home and I am so thankful that He has provided friends to both rejoice and weep with.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Our Story = God's Glory!
I love hearing stories of God's redemption in people's lives and I equally love getting to share about the Lord from what He is teaching me in my life. I heard someone say that they think that one of the things we will do in Heaven is share our stories of God working in each others lives- and I agree!!
One of the reason I wanted to start this blog was not because I in anyway have all of the answers but because I am trusting that the Lord would use some of what He is teaching me to teach others. Looking through many of Paul's letters that he wrote to the various churches he talks over and over again about sharing things about our lives for God's glory. In Philippians 1:12 he writes- Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. At the end of Ephesians he talks of being an ambassador of Christ and asks that they pray that whenever he opens his mouth he would be declaring the gospel. Even in Galatians when Paul is talking about his argument that he got in with Peter, he shares this in order that the Galatians might gain a better understanding of the far reaching changes that the gospel should be making in each of our lives!
I love that Paul is so intentional to share about things in order to help people know God more. I pray that my life would be characterized by this! In order to do this we must pray that God would give us eyes to see above the current circumstances that we are in and ask Him to redeem these situations! Sometimes we see His redemption and oftentimes we don't. As I have written about in previous posts, 2009 was a difficult year relationally with me due to May man 2009. Over all I still don't completely understand why the Lord would have brought this guy into my life but I do see His redemption amidst my hurt and confusion and I am so thankful for it. God has used this past "relationship" to give many women the wisdom that I have gained from this circumstance and hopefully spared them some unneeded pain as well! I am so thankful for the opportunity to minister to these girls out of my weakness and I in no way hate this man or think ill of him at all. I also do not want to portray him in a bad light- he and I are both sinners and we were in a relationship. I pray that he would use whatever wisdom he gained from this "relationship" with me to minister to others and help to guide them in the way of having healthy relationships with the opposite sex.
The reason I wanted to write this is because my (wonderful!) roommate and a few others questioned my reference to this guy and were understandably concerned. I feel freedom to talk about this guy because I am not writing about him out of revenge or spite but because the Lord has truly used my time with him to show me so many valuable things that have affected my relationship with the Lord, men, and the people that I minister to. While my motives to talk about May Man 2009 might be pure (as pure as my motives can be) I can't say the same about May Man 2008 so he most likely won't be mentioned much on my blog or in conversation- why invite an opportunity to sin, right? haha
I pray that throughout all of our interactions with people we can take advantage of opportunities to have Christ glorified in our weaknesses- whether it be relationally, health-wise, financially, in fears about the future, struggles with fertility, struggles with singleness or struggles with insecurities in general. I am so thankful for the woman who have and continue to share their lives with me and are continually bringing me back to the Cross to learn more and more of the Lord and His sacrifice for us all!!
One of the reason I wanted to start this blog was not because I in anyway have all of the answers but because I am trusting that the Lord would use some of what He is teaching me to teach others. Looking through many of Paul's letters that he wrote to the various churches he talks over and over again about sharing things about our lives for God's glory. In Philippians 1:12 he writes- Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. At the end of Ephesians he talks of being an ambassador of Christ and asks that they pray that whenever he opens his mouth he would be declaring the gospel. Even in Galatians when Paul is talking about his argument that he got in with Peter, he shares this in order that the Galatians might gain a better understanding of the far reaching changes that the gospel should be making in each of our lives!
I love that Paul is so intentional to share about things in order to help people know God more. I pray that my life would be characterized by this! In order to do this we must pray that God would give us eyes to see above the current circumstances that we are in and ask Him to redeem these situations! Sometimes we see His redemption and oftentimes we don't. As I have written about in previous posts, 2009 was a difficult year relationally with me due to May man 2009. Over all I still don't completely understand why the Lord would have brought this guy into my life but I do see His redemption amidst my hurt and confusion and I am so thankful for it. God has used this past "relationship" to give many women the wisdom that I have gained from this circumstance and hopefully spared them some unneeded pain as well! I am so thankful for the opportunity to minister to these girls out of my weakness and I in no way hate this man or think ill of him at all. I also do not want to portray him in a bad light- he and I are both sinners and we were in a relationship. I pray that he would use whatever wisdom he gained from this "relationship" with me to minister to others and help to guide them in the way of having healthy relationships with the opposite sex.
The reason I wanted to write this is because my (wonderful!) roommate and a few others questioned my reference to this guy and were understandably concerned. I feel freedom to talk about this guy because I am not writing about him out of revenge or spite but because the Lord has truly used my time with him to show me so many valuable things that have affected my relationship with the Lord, men, and the people that I minister to. While my motives to talk about May Man 2009 might be pure (as pure as my motives can be) I can't say the same about May Man 2008 so he most likely won't be mentioned much on my blog or in conversation- why invite an opportunity to sin, right? haha
I pray that throughout all of our interactions with people we can take advantage of opportunities to have Christ glorified in our weaknesses- whether it be relationally, health-wise, financially, in fears about the future, struggles with fertility, struggles with singleness or struggles with insecurities in general. I am so thankful for the woman who have and continue to share their lives with me and are continually bringing me back to the Cross to learn more and more of the Lord and His sacrifice for us all!!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
View of God
A few months ago I had the opportunity to speak alongside my staff partner Alan at Campus Outreach's New Year's Conference. We talked about Our View of God. When Alan asked me to speak with him I was so excited because I had so much to share on this subject. I didn't have a lot of knowledge to share, rather I had a lot of experience on how God was showing His commitment to challenging my wrong view of Him.
2009 was a particularly hard year for me with regards to my struggle with singleness and He made sure to continue that theme right into the conference where I had to give this very talk! AKA- the guy (wonderful May Man 2009) that I was struggling with was literally 5 doors down from me in the 25 story hotel we stayed in, lovely. Anyway, here is our talk. I haven't been able to listen to all of it because I can't stand the sound of my mix of southern/valley girl voice but if you can stand it then go for it! I hope it encourages and challenges you to really think about how we respond to every area of our life really reveals what we believe about God.
http://www.newyearsconference.org/podcasts/Our_View_of_God.mp3
Friday, May 28, 2010
Smilin'
Over the past month or so I have had to get some major mouth work done. It has been, painful, time consuming, and extremely expensive. I have been fighting to keep a good perspective and to continue to entrust this whole situation to the Lord.
One of the things that keeps running through my mind is a picture of a woman that I met in a rural village in India. It took so long to drive out there and it was in the middle of nowhere. When our team arrived at this village the people ran to us. This particular woman stood in the back and just smiled (the universal language). I could barely look at her smile though. He teeth were so mangled and bloody it just looked so painful! I remember thinking then, how does this woman live with this pain?? It is there all the time, it can keep you from eating and talking- how miserable!! This woman popped into my head the day that my dentist told me that I was going to have to get a root canal and a crown and that this is a very involved process. This woman had no hope int his world of ever being relieved from this pain, forget the fact that she probably would never be able to afford it, she would never even have access to a dentist. This really made me so grateful for this opportunity to have this pain taken away by a professional who does this all the time. This realization makes me sad as well. There is no way that I deserve to have this opportunity over this woman. I don't know why God would see fit to provide this opportunity to me and not this woman, it doesn't make sense but I do know that with this opportunity He has entrusted responsibility to me because of this opportunity.
This procedure involves them drilling my decayed tooth, putting on a temporary tooth, cutting my gums and performing surgery to put in an implant for a crown, allowing my gums to recover for 6 weeks, and then finally putting on my crown. I have just finished the surgery. I am in pain and feel very restricted in my mouth movements. This made me think (once again) about how I take for granted even the ability to communicate by talking but also by smiling to people. I literally can not smile at people right now because of my stitches. It is also very taxing to talk too, I just sit like a lump on the log. I think (or at least I hope!) that when I am healed from this I will rejoice in the fact that I can communicate with people and enjoy the freedom of talking again!!
One other thing that I will do after this is all done- I WILL BRUSH MY TEETH AND FLOSS AND GO TO THE DENTIST EVERY 6 MONTHS and I encourage you to do this too! I do not want any of my friends to go through any of this!!!!!!
One of the things that keeps running through my mind is a picture of a woman that I met in a rural village in India. It took so long to drive out there and it was in the middle of nowhere. When our team arrived at this village the people ran to us. This particular woman stood in the back and just smiled (the universal language). I could barely look at her smile though. He teeth were so mangled and bloody it just looked so painful! I remember thinking then, how does this woman live with this pain?? It is there all the time, it can keep you from eating and talking- how miserable!! This woman popped into my head the day that my dentist told me that I was going to have to get a root canal and a crown and that this is a very involved process. This woman had no hope int his world of ever being relieved from this pain, forget the fact that she probably would never be able to afford it, she would never even have access to a dentist. This really made me so grateful for this opportunity to have this pain taken away by a professional who does this all the time. This realization makes me sad as well. There is no way that I deserve to have this opportunity over this woman. I don't know why God would see fit to provide this opportunity to me and not this woman, it doesn't make sense but I do know that with this opportunity He has entrusted responsibility to me because of this opportunity.
This procedure involves them drilling my decayed tooth, putting on a temporary tooth, cutting my gums and performing surgery to put in an implant for a crown, allowing my gums to recover for 6 weeks, and then finally putting on my crown. I have just finished the surgery. I am in pain and feel very restricted in my mouth movements. This made me think (once again) about how I take for granted even the ability to communicate by talking but also by smiling to people. I literally can not smile at people right now because of my stitches. It is also very taxing to talk too, I just sit like a lump on the log. I think (or at least I hope!) that when I am healed from this I will rejoice in the fact that I can communicate with people and enjoy the freedom of talking again!!
One other thing that I will do after this is all done- I WILL BRUSH MY TEETH AND FLOSS AND GO TO THE DENTIST EVERY 6 MONTHS and I encourage you to do this too! I do not want any of my friends to go through any of this!!!!!!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Why I Love Coaching!
After I get done coaching the kids, if I don't have anything to do after practice I get in the water and swim for a bit. I love the water and the feeling I always get when I swim. I am all alone and everything is quiet. I love the way I feel and move in the water- I'm no longer this klutzy awkward girl, instead I feel elegant and confident! I also love the fact that in the water I am all alone and everything is quiet. This is such a wonderful time to pray and hear from the Lord for me. During my college swimming career I had PLENTY of time to have this happen and I always loved it!
Today as I was swimming I was thinking about the previous practice and what I could have done better and what we need to work on the next day. Today I worked really hard on them with the breaststroke. This is my least favorite stroke and it's also one where I feel the least confident in my ability. Because of this it was very hard to communicate to these swimmers the foundation of this certain stroke. Needless to say I was very frustrated!
One of the things I always tell the kids is how important it is to lay a foundation of having the correct stroke because that is something that you can always go back to and you will always be able to build upon. That foundation laying has been so important for me. I am not a fast swimmer but I have a good stroke and
I am a hard worker- those were the only 2 reasons I was able to swim on the UNF D-1 women's swim team and that's the only reason I get can pick up and start swimming anywhere there's water and almost always get a compliment.Then I started thinking again about how even more important it is to have a spiritual foundation in our lives. There is no getting away from this foundation- it shapes everything we do, say, or think! How can I help others lay a gospel foundation if I don't have a strong foundation myself? That has been my struggle this past year in many areas. We never get past the gospel- and our understanding of the gospel and thus our view of God affects everything, we simply can not escape that!! Circumstances reveal how deep I truly believe the Gospel of Christ. And then even how I respond to the shallowness of my belief causes me even more despair! I have learned that I must always go back to the foundation of the gospel and ask the question- how does this show me about what I'm not believing about the gospel? No area is immuned to this probing question. To the degree that I'm applying the gospel to my life is the degree to which I can help others by asking this same question and thus help them lay a strong gospel foundation.
So as I coach people in the pool and in life I am constantly reminded how important the foundation really is and how it truly affects everything! I don't even know who taught me the swimming skills that I possess now but I am so, so thankful that they took the time to teach them to me! I do know the woman who taught me the spiritual foundation that God has made me the woman that I now am- Annette Ashley played a huge part in it but God has used so many amazing women along the way to continue to remind me of the importance of the gospel in every area of my life.
This goes along with my 2 Peter post from a few weeks ago and the importance of reminding people of these things! I am excited to spend the rest of my life continuing to be challenged by the radical gospel of Jesus Christ!!
Oh and why do I love coaching? I love to see the kids get it and turn their struggling stroke into a beautiful stroke! This is the same reason I love ministering to people- sharing the gospel with them and watching their eyes light up when they get it!! To watch their struggling lives be changed by the gospel and see them transformed before my very eyes- this is just a small taste of heaven to me!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Wahoo!!!
For the past 6 summers I have been heavily involved in a Campus Outreach Summer Project. So, summers for me have been pretty crazy and I have been traveling allllllll over the place. This summer is the first summer where I do not have to leave for a month and I also am not traveling all over the world. I was not very excited about not being crazy busy and all over the place so I began praying and asking God what He wants me to do with this summer and even for unique opportunities that I haven't been able to take advantage of.
One opportunity that I have been presented is to be an assistant coach on a summer rec swim team! This literally came out of the blue. The head coach is the older sister of one of my former teammates at UNF. The original assistant coach quick right before the season started and so the head coach was scrambling and heard that I was around this summer so she got in contact with me!
I am so excited to be back around the swimming pool again and even more excited to share with these young simmers my love of swimming! This is a wonderful opportunity to be a part of the Jacksonville community as well.
I could definitely use prayers for wisdom as I coach these kids and interact with their parents! I want to coach these kids so well and help them get better- I need to know the balance of pushing them to work hard yet not making them feel discouraged! I have definitely had my fair share of bad and discouraging coaches so I am trying to just do the opposite of what I learned from them!
I'm excited to be a swim coach for the glory of God!!!
By the way- the name of my team is the Wahoos- hence the blog title. :)
One opportunity that I have been presented is to be an assistant coach on a summer rec swim team! This literally came out of the blue. The head coach is the older sister of one of my former teammates at UNF. The original assistant coach quick right before the season started and so the head coach was scrambling and heard that I was around this summer so she got in contact with me!
I am so excited to be back around the swimming pool again and even more excited to share with these young simmers my love of swimming! This is a wonderful opportunity to be a part of the Jacksonville community as well.
I could definitely use prayers for wisdom as I coach these kids and interact with their parents! I want to coach these kids so well and help them get better- I need to know the balance of pushing them to work hard yet not making them feel discouraged! I have definitely had my fair share of bad and discouraging coaches so I am trying to just do the opposite of what I learned from them!
I'm excited to be a swim coach for the glory of God!!!
By the way- the name of my team is the Wahoos- hence the blog title. :)
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