I realize it has been quite awhile since I last posted. There are a couple of reasons for the delay but the biggest one is that I have been throwing myself quite the pity party recently. When I go through times like that I do the worst possible thing- I retreat away from God and from the people who need to be in my life to speak truth to me.
The pity party started a few weeks ago when I was visiting one of my best friends Amy in Charleston. Amy is a fellow single girl who is in her late 20's and is trusting God and choosing to hope in Him each day. I am so, so, so thankful that God has provided her friendship in a time of such struggle- that we can lean on each other and help point each other to God.
We were at church talking to a woman who is a bit older than us and involved in full-time ministry towards young women. The topic of singleness came up and she said some tertiary comment about how Amy and I are "Miss Independents" and "we don't know how lucky we are!" Comments like these happen a lot- even from close friends of mine who are married and have a family of their own. After her comments I decided that I would be vulnerable with her and share that while we enjoy being "independant women" our ultimate desire is to be wives and mothers. She then replied as so many married women do with the typical- just wait until you find the right one, it's not all perfect, it's harder then you think, blah blah blah. Just because God has not provided a husband for me does not mean that I am 5 years old and don't understand the things of the Lord. I don't think that this would upset me if this was the only time that this has happened to Amy or I but this is the constant response from married women who have no clue what it is like to struggle in this area. It really makes me not want to be vulnerable and share about this area with anyone because of how the responses usually are- it always comes across very demeaning and ultimately hurtful. So, I was thinking about the few women who actually do a great job encouraging and challenging me in this area and I thought that I would share a list of responses that I (and I think other single women) would appreciate hearing with hopes that they would walk away feeling challenged yet also respected and not talked down to by a married women who thinks that she has arrived while we're just waiting...
1) I don't understand why God hasn't provided this for you either but I am fighting for you in prayer over this- you're not alone
2) You are just as valued in this church as others (unfortunately church is the loneliest place for Christian singles) in fact- I would love for you to be on a leadership team.
3) I can see how this would be a struggle- we would love to have you over for dinner and have you be a part of our family
4) God is good and this is good for you in His wisdom- trust that, walk in it, and hope in Him alone. None of us understand but we are trusting Him for you.
5) Wow, a lot of people are in relationships around you. How is your heart in all of that? I would imagine that it would be a difficult place to be in. I will be praying for you.
6) Even though you don't have your own children I want for you to be involved in my children's lives because they can learn so much from you! (Someone actually told me this and it was one of the most encouraging things that I have ever been told- God has really used those words of encouragement in my life)
Now- things NOT to say-
1) Well, marriage is hard enough as it is- it is so important to wait for the right person to be married to (now while this is true, I have had many women say this to me in such a patronizing way that I could barely listen to the words coming out of their mouth)
2) Why don't you just go on e-harmony? (do i really have to explain why this is insulting?)
3) asking if I have a boy in my life EVERY TIME you talk to me (basically reinforcing that my life is worth nothing without a man in it- because THAT is the real news!)
4) Wow- you are so adventurous! I am so jealous of your life! (this coming from a married women who has a couple of kids- do i write that I am jealous of her life whenever she talks about her kids or amazing husband? no, then please don't tell me that you're jealous about my life. I'm not jealous- I would trade my "adventures" and disastruos dating stories for a family of my own any day)
5) so, there is this guy... ( just because he is a guy and single and close to my age does not mean that I am going to date him, in fact it has been extremely insulting to me some of the set-up dates people have wanted me to go on- see Panera Story)
6)You really should think about this guy and give him another chance- I mean who knows if there is anyone else out there- this might be your only chance. (thus, reinforcing that settling for a less than Godly man is worth settling than gasp being alone!)
Please feel free to add your own to either list. I hope that there will be more additions to the what to say list because we need women from all areas in our lives to do life with. I realize that this might come across a tad bitter but I don't want it to be like that. If I can help a woman who got married right after college or even while she was in college and doesn't understand what little support I and other single women have and this helps her to love on others like me then I am happy that I wrote this.
I am so thankful for the handful of women who God has given me to speak into my life and challenge me. They don't shy away from me and these struggles- they step into them with me and this is such a blessing for my soul. I am excited to be able to minister to other women in my position the way that I have been ministered to.
Ultimately the Lord is the One to whom we look for for EVERYTHING! For He himself is our peace (Ephesians 2:14) and He himself is our only hope- the kind of hope that is sure and secure (Hebrews 6:19) and not dependant on marital statuses or how nice the women at church are.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
1 Month in...
I celebrated my 1 month mile stone of my new job last week. It still feels surreal to me in so many ways. Some, I expected and others have caught me off guard.
I love getting to be in people's lives and championing them to believe all that God has for them. I feel so blessed that even in my new job here working for UNF's athletics I am encouraged to do that. In fact- today I get to visit a soccer player who broke her wrist and just had surgery this morning- yes this is part of my job!!
Many emotions come to my mind when I think about my long journey with Campus Outreach but I think that a picture that God allowed me to see last night really just sums up my heart, and what I believe to be Jesus's heart for the spread of His gospel.
Last night the current Campus Outreach UNF staff girl planned a fun California spaghetti dinner to facilitate a time where the current CO people can bring people that they have been meeting. I offered to come a little bit early to help with whatever needed to be done.
Holli asked me to cook the meat while she met with a few girls to go over their new CO discipleship study and to pray for the girls who were coming tonight. As I was standing in the kitchen and looking out over those girls praying my heart was just singing!!! THIS is 2 Timothy 2:2 lived out right before my eyes!!! You see, I met Holli the day before her freshmen year started at UNF and she was a huge leader in our ministry and I had the privelege of discipling her and then once she graduated she and I worked for CO together this past year. The girls she was meeting with before the dinner were 2 girls that I had discipled, one of whom became a christian in college. It is such a neat thing to realize that you really aren't needed in the spread of the gospel- it is all about God changing hearts and drawing people to Himself!!!
The dinner turned out to be a huge success- with about 40 girls crammed into a small apartment- most of whom aren't christians (yet)! God is still committed to people at UNF and He doesn't need us but I am so grateful that because of Him my life has a purpose that is so much bigger than me!
To follow Jesus's example is to give your life away to people and to give it away sacrficially- like Holli and the other CO staff constantly desire to do. Is it quick or easy? No, it is hard tedious work but Jesus set the example for us and we are to walk as He walked- not coming to be served but to give His life as a ransom for many.
Thank you Lord for your example for calling us to give our lives away to others.
I love getting to be in people's lives and championing them to believe all that God has for them. I feel so blessed that even in my new job here working for UNF's athletics I am encouraged to do that. In fact- today I get to visit a soccer player who broke her wrist and just had surgery this morning- yes this is part of my job!!
Many emotions come to my mind when I think about my long journey with Campus Outreach but I think that a picture that God allowed me to see last night really just sums up my heart, and what I believe to be Jesus's heart for the spread of His gospel.
Last night the current Campus Outreach UNF staff girl planned a fun California spaghetti dinner to facilitate a time where the current CO people can bring people that they have been meeting. I offered to come a little bit early to help with whatever needed to be done.
Holli asked me to cook the meat while she met with a few girls to go over their new CO discipleship study and to pray for the girls who were coming tonight. As I was standing in the kitchen and looking out over those girls praying my heart was just singing!!! THIS is 2 Timothy 2:2 lived out right before my eyes!!! You see, I met Holli the day before her freshmen year started at UNF and she was a huge leader in our ministry and I had the privelege of discipling her and then once she graduated she and I worked for CO together this past year. The girls she was meeting with before the dinner were 2 girls that I had discipled, one of whom became a christian in college. It is such a neat thing to realize that you really aren't needed in the spread of the gospel- it is all about God changing hearts and drawing people to Himself!!!
The dinner turned out to be a huge success- with about 40 girls crammed into a small apartment- most of whom aren't christians (yet)! God is still committed to people at UNF and He doesn't need us but I am so grateful that because of Him my life has a purpose that is so much bigger than me!
To follow Jesus's example is to give your life away to people and to give it away sacrficially- like Holli and the other CO staff constantly desire to do. Is it quick or easy? No, it is hard tedious work but Jesus set the example for us and we are to walk as He walked- not coming to be served but to give His life as a ransom for many.
Thank you Lord for your example for calling us to give our lives away to others.
Friday, August 13, 2010
"At least you don't have to raise support anymore..."
This was the most common phrase that I heard over the past month or so when I told people about my new job opportunity, where in fact, I dont have to raise support any longer.
Every time a person would say this to me it really upset me and hurt my heart. It upset me because it revealed how these people view others who live on support and honestly revealed how little they valued missionaries or people in full-time ministry here in the States. The only people I talked with who didn't say the above line to me were my wonderful Campus Outreach co-workers. Do you know why? Because they got it!!!!
What did (do) they get?
Asking or challenging other people who make way too much money to invest in God's kingdom expansion is such a privilege
There is such an opportunity to minister to supporters in a unique way- it's as if you are connected with them
The people who supported me, never just supported me financially (for where your treasure is there your heart will be) they truly partnered with me and were on my team- I never felt alone. My burdens were divided upon so many loving people who cared for me
Knowing that every penny that you receive is from other people who are giving away their money to a bigger picture really changes how you view money and what you "earn"
it is such a picture of grace to see many people who believe so much in your vision that they give out of sacrifice not out of their abundance
You see, living on support is such a picture of the Gospel. I have never been and will never be worthy of my supporters, it's because of God working in me and what He called me to- these people gave to His ministry! They invested in the next generation. There was excitement each month when I received my pay check because I knew that I did nothing to deserve it but I was so thankful for God's provision and faithfulness to provide through this team of people.
My non-believing parents also saw this. They saw God provide for their daughter for 5 years. What they called "begging for money" others saw as an opportunity to minister not only to me, or the students at UNF, but to my parents as well.
Proverbs 11:24-25 says "One man gives freely yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man prospers, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
These verses were brought to life before my eyes with the people who were on my support team. I needed them to support me to allow me to minister at UNF but they needed me to have an opportunity to step out in faith and invest what the Lord has blessed them with.
Living on support is a privilege that should make all those who do live on support raise their hands high and look to the the Ultimate Provider who loves to bless in such unexpected ways. I am so thankful for the 5 short years that I lived on support and I look forward to having new opportunities to invest what the Lord has given me to others who live on support as well!
Ok... my little rant is over with for the time being. Let's hope that I don't hear that sentence again any time soon- that person will sure be getting an ear full!!! haha
Every time a person would say this to me it really upset me and hurt my heart. It upset me because it revealed how these people view others who live on support and honestly revealed how little they valued missionaries or people in full-time ministry here in the States. The only people I talked with who didn't say the above line to me were my wonderful Campus Outreach co-workers. Do you know why? Because they got it!!!!
What did (do) they get?
Asking or challenging other people who make way too much money to invest in God's kingdom expansion is such a privilege
There is such an opportunity to minister to supporters in a unique way- it's as if you are connected with them
The people who supported me, never just supported me financially (for where your treasure is there your heart will be) they truly partnered with me and were on my team- I never felt alone. My burdens were divided upon so many loving people who cared for me
Knowing that every penny that you receive is from other people who are giving away their money to a bigger picture really changes how you view money and what you "earn"
it is such a picture of grace to see many people who believe so much in your vision that they give out of sacrifice not out of their abundance
You see, living on support is such a picture of the Gospel. I have never been and will never be worthy of my supporters, it's because of God working in me and what He called me to- these people gave to His ministry! They invested in the next generation. There was excitement each month when I received my pay check because I knew that I did nothing to deserve it but I was so thankful for God's provision and faithfulness to provide through this team of people.
My non-believing parents also saw this. They saw God provide for their daughter for 5 years. What they called "begging for money" others saw as an opportunity to minister not only to me, or the students at UNF, but to my parents as well.
Proverbs 11:24-25 says "One man gives freely yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man prospers, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
These verses were brought to life before my eyes with the people who were on my support team. I needed them to support me to allow me to minister at UNF but they needed me to have an opportunity to step out in faith and invest what the Lord has blessed them with.
Living on support is a privilege that should make all those who do live on support raise their hands high and look to the the Ultimate Provider who loves to bless in such unexpected ways. I am so thankful for the 5 short years that I lived on support and I look forward to having new opportunities to invest what the Lord has given me to others who live on support as well!
Ok... my little rant is over with for the time being. Let's hope that I don't hear that sentence again any time soon- that person will sure be getting an ear full!!! haha
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
another hilarious set-up story
Since we're on the subject on hilarious set-up mishaps I thought that I would just go ahead and share probably one of the most ridiculous things that happened to me.
background: a guy friend of mine saw me at a recent wedding and we were catching up and he asked the inevitable question- " so jenny, are you still single?" to which i wittingly replied, "of course i am, why wouldn't i be..." he then tells me that he has a guy at church that he thinks that i should meet. he tells me that he is tall and big (2 kind of important pre-req's for me) and a christian. i begrudgingly told him that i would be open to it and to let me know what needs to happen next. well....
the next day or so i receive a facebook friends request from a boy whose name sounds vaguely familiar to me. i quickly realized that this was the boy my friend was telling me about!!!! i add him and then scope out his page i.e. his photos and info. well, i soon realized that for a number of reasons, i didn't really think that he and i would be compatible so i just kind of moved on. a few days after the friend request, this boy writes me a pretty lengthy message telling me that my name was mentioned to him as a possible connection and he wanted to say hi. in closing he said, "if you ever want to hang out, let me know." LET HIM KNOW?? how passive is that? i loved the reaction from my manly, godly guy friends when i told them about that last line. they told me that last line alone disqualifies him from the possibility of a relationship with me- haha. anyway, i didn't write him back because i didn't want to hang out with him and really didn't even know what to write back to him.
ok so here is the best part and i have an eye-witness to what i am about to write- a few days after this boy sent me that message i was meeting a student for lunch (it was actually the same girl who set me up with the guy that i wrote about below- haha!). she wanted to go to panera even though we both knew that it would be super crowded. we finally got our food and a table and we began talking about the upcoming semester and what we were trusting God for and other serious things. well, there were 2 guys sitting pretty close behind me and i hear one of the guys say my guy friends last name. i turn around thinking that i might know them- the guy who is sitting behind me is the one who they wanted to set me up with!!!!! i immediately turn around to the girl i was with to tell her about the background of this guy but before i can really finish- HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!! my friend's mouth literally dropped open in disbelief. this guy was telling the other guy he was with my age, how tall i was and how he was being set up with me. he had his computer out and although i couldn't see the screen, i am pretty sure that they had my facebook profile pulled up! needless to say i was completely in shock. I (quietly) asked the girl if we could just leave as quickly as possible. we packed up our stuff and left. As soon as we were out of panera we feel to the ground in laughter!! I still can't believe that happened to me! I probably wouldn't have believed that this really happened to me if i hadn't of had a witness who shared this story with quite a few other people!!
this probably happened to me about 3 years ago now. the boy is now married and i couldn't be happier for him. he has no idea that i ever heard him that day in panera. one lesson to take away from this- jacksonville can be a very small town!!!!! hahahaha
background: a guy friend of mine saw me at a recent wedding and we were catching up and he asked the inevitable question- " so jenny, are you still single?" to which i wittingly replied, "of course i am, why wouldn't i be..." he then tells me that he has a guy at church that he thinks that i should meet. he tells me that he is tall and big (2 kind of important pre-req's for me) and a christian. i begrudgingly told him that i would be open to it and to let me know what needs to happen next. well....
the next day or so i receive a facebook friends request from a boy whose name sounds vaguely familiar to me. i quickly realized that this was the boy my friend was telling me about!!!! i add him and then scope out his page i.e. his photos and info. well, i soon realized that for a number of reasons, i didn't really think that he and i would be compatible so i just kind of moved on. a few days after the friend request, this boy writes me a pretty lengthy message telling me that my name was mentioned to him as a possible connection and he wanted to say hi. in closing he said, "if you ever want to hang out, let me know." LET HIM KNOW?? how passive is that? i loved the reaction from my manly, godly guy friends when i told them about that last line. they told me that last line alone disqualifies him from the possibility of a relationship with me- haha. anyway, i didn't write him back because i didn't want to hang out with him and really didn't even know what to write back to him.
ok so here is the best part and i have an eye-witness to what i am about to write- a few days after this boy sent me that message i was meeting a student for lunch (it was actually the same girl who set me up with the guy that i wrote about below- haha!). she wanted to go to panera even though we both knew that it would be super crowded. we finally got our food and a table and we began talking about the upcoming semester and what we were trusting God for and other serious things. well, there were 2 guys sitting pretty close behind me and i hear one of the guys say my guy friends last name. i turn around thinking that i might know them- the guy who is sitting behind me is the one who they wanted to set me up with!!!!! i immediately turn around to the girl i was with to tell her about the background of this guy but before i can really finish- HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!! my friend's mouth literally dropped open in disbelief. this guy was telling the other guy he was with my age, how tall i was and how he was being set up with me. he had his computer out and although i couldn't see the screen, i am pretty sure that they had my facebook profile pulled up! needless to say i was completely in shock. I (quietly) asked the girl if we could just leave as quickly as possible. we packed up our stuff and left. As soon as we were out of panera we feel to the ground in laughter!! I still can't believe that happened to me! I probably wouldn't have believed that this really happened to me if i hadn't of had a witness who shared this story with quite a few other people!!
this probably happened to me about 3 years ago now. the boy is now married and i couldn't be happier for him. he has no idea that i ever heard him that day in panera. one lesson to take away from this- jacksonville can be a very small town!!!!! hahahaha
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Can you meet me halfway?
"Well Jenny, if it has to do with you, there is always a story with a good laugh involved!" exclaimed one of my friends when I shared with her my recent dating mishap.
Allow me to share- One of good friends told me a few months ago that she had found the "perfect guy" for me and she wanted he and I to meet. I said sure and that I would be looking forward to it. She was a bit cautious to bring his name up to me because she wasn't sure if I would be attracted to him because apparently I have the reputation of having "pretty high standards in the looks department"- haha. Anyway, I agreed to the set up and she was super excited. I also found out that he and I know a lot of the same people as well, which was so fun! I heard a lot of great things about him and was looking forward to meeting him. Well, I met him for dinner and had a great time. He was really funny and nice and all of that stuff. When I left, I had no clue if he was interested in getting together or anything so I just made my 50 phone calls to my friends who were waiting by their phones and shared with them about the dinner and my impression of him. About a week went by and I heard nothing from him (which I was not accustomed to based on my previous set ups). Then, about a week later he called. The setting for this was PERFECT, I was in the car with 2 girls so I didn't pick up the phone. I listened to the voice mail that he left and as soon as I heard him say his name I yelled to the girls- HE CALLED!!! We of course were soooo excited because we of course thought- why else would he be calling other than to ask me out, right?? haha. Well, I call him back with a big smile on my face and that smile quickly melts away as he begins to talk to me. He thanks me for "indulging" our mutual friends by meeting up last week but he wanted for me to know that he has no intentions to take this any further. OUCH!!! I thank him for calling and then step out of my room to see my roommate waiting expectantly for my "good news." I then proceed to tell her what he told me and she is shocked! All I could do was laugh at the whole situation.
The first thing I thought of was the previous 2 guys that I dated who I had to coax that exact conversation out of them. Those 2 guys legitimately owed me a conversation saying that they had no intentions of taking their relationship with me any further, because I did, in fact, have a relationship with them. Instead of being bold and embracing the awkwardness by having that conversation, they acted like cowards. And then we have this guy who I've met once! He actually doesn't owe me anything, yet he chose to be clear and let me know where he stood- once I had time to console my bruised ego, I actually have come to appreciate what this dude did.
So, isn't there some type of middle ground here? Who knows! All I have to say is that I am trusting the Lord to provide me with a husband so that I can have (Lord-willing) a couple of sons who I can train in the ancient art of communication skills- because that is obviously lacking in this generation!!
Now, I hope this does not come across as bitter- my love life (or lack of) has actually been the cause of many laughs in recent years and some quite catchy sayings (that will never be posted on line) and for that I am grateful. I am glad that the Lord continues to provide things that keeps my life interesting!!!!!
Allow me to share- One of good friends told me a few months ago that she had found the "perfect guy" for me and she wanted he and I to meet. I said sure and that I would be looking forward to it. She was a bit cautious to bring his name up to me because she wasn't sure if I would be attracted to him because apparently I have the reputation of having "pretty high standards in the looks department"- haha. Anyway, I agreed to the set up and she was super excited. I also found out that he and I know a lot of the same people as well, which was so fun! I heard a lot of great things about him and was looking forward to meeting him. Well, I met him for dinner and had a great time. He was really funny and nice and all of that stuff. When I left, I had no clue if he was interested in getting together or anything so I just made my 50 phone calls to my friends who were waiting by their phones and shared with them about the dinner and my impression of him. About a week went by and I heard nothing from him (which I was not accustomed to based on my previous set ups). Then, about a week later he called. The setting for this was PERFECT, I was in the car with 2 girls so I didn't pick up the phone. I listened to the voice mail that he left and as soon as I heard him say his name I yelled to the girls- HE CALLED!!! We of course were soooo excited because we of course thought- why else would he be calling other than to ask me out, right?? haha. Well, I call him back with a big smile on my face and that smile quickly melts away as he begins to talk to me. He thanks me for "indulging" our mutual friends by meeting up last week but he wanted for me to know that he has no intentions to take this any further. OUCH!!! I thank him for calling and then step out of my room to see my roommate waiting expectantly for my "good news." I then proceed to tell her what he told me and she is shocked! All I could do was laugh at the whole situation.
The first thing I thought of was the previous 2 guys that I dated who I had to coax that exact conversation out of them. Those 2 guys legitimately owed me a conversation saying that they had no intentions of taking their relationship with me any further, because I did, in fact, have a relationship with them. Instead of being bold and embracing the awkwardness by having that conversation, they acted like cowards. And then we have this guy who I've met once! He actually doesn't owe me anything, yet he chose to be clear and let me know where he stood- once I had time to console my bruised ego, I actually have come to appreciate what this dude did.
So, isn't there some type of middle ground here? Who knows! All I have to say is that I am trusting the Lord to provide me with a husband so that I can have (Lord-willing) a couple of sons who I can train in the ancient art of communication skills- because that is obviously lacking in this generation!!
Now, I hope this does not come across as bitter- my love life (or lack of) has actually been the cause of many laughs in recent years and some quite catchy sayings (that will never be posted on line) and for that I am grateful. I am glad that the Lord continues to provide things that keeps my life interesting!!!!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Marriage as an idol...
"Where we most often sin in our own desire for marriage is not in worshiping marriage itself, but in doubting God's ability to bring it about."
- Candice Watters
Guilty!!!
- Candice Watters
Guilty!!!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sweet Blessings During a Bittersweet Time
In Paul's passion filled letter to the Ephesian church much of what he writes to them is what he is praying for them. In Chapter 3:20-21 he reminds them that our Lord can do immeasurably more than ALL we can ask or imagine and the reason why is because His working is not according to our faith or power- but His power that is at work within us. Paul then reminds us that this power is working in and through us so that God can get the glory in this generation and in the next.
This passage has always meant so much to me and even more so at this point in my life. I struggle so much with doubt that the Lord would actually use me or has a perfect plan for my life. The mundane things in this life get me down as well as the broken dreams or unfulfilled desires. This verse seems to be telling us to dream big, to trust God for big or impossible things and to look around and watch Him work- for His glory. So often I don't even attempt hard or scary things because I am so scared to fail or look like a fool, but in reality, not stepping out in faith is the foolish thing to do knowing what we know about God and His mighty power within us. I am reminded of the C.S. Lewis quote that challenges us with how easily pleased we are with playing a mud pile when the Lord offers us a resort by the sea. We are often too preoccupied or scared to look up and see!
Paul addresses this earlier in Ephesians 1:18 when he writes- I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you...
We need to have spiritual eyes to see the great and glorious things in which the Lord is doing and has done- oftentimes those things don't look like much to the world. Take for example friendship. This is so important to me and is one of the top values of my life. I met most of my dearest friends my freshmen year of college right when I became a Christian and started understanding the things of the Lord. I have been friends with most of those girls for 10 years now. These aren't just my friends, these are my sisters, and my mentors. I learn from their lives and how they are wives and mothers and ministers. It is important for me to think about the time when I initially met them- it didn't seem like much at the time but the impact that they have had in my life is immeasurable.
Currently, I am struggling with looking around and only seeing what God hasn't done and desires that He hasn't fulfilled but Paul reminds me in Ephesians that where there might seem to be an emptiness there is room for the Lord to redeem that for His glory. This is the tension where I am living. I am tasting the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams and desires of having a husband and a family and seeing the Lord provide in that way yet I have to will myself daily to look up and see where He is working and blessing me. When I fight for this view I truly taste of the Lord's sweetness and am delighted in Him. I know that this is a struggle for every Christian in many different areas and I am very aware that if the Lord does ever provide a husband and a family then this longing will be transferred to another area so I am thankful that at 28 years young I have the opportunity to submit these things to the One who is worthy of all of my heart.
I am also thankful for the Lord abundantly providing in areas where I really didn't think to pray and ask Him to. He provided in His wisdom and I couldn't be more happy with His provision. As I mentioned before, He has provided me with wonderful sisters who have walked with me, and I've walked with them as well. We are currently spread out all over the country but we try to do a yearly reunion and we just got back from it a few weeks ago. These weekends are always fun and filled with laughs (mostly at my expense, as usual) and are always good reminders of the Lord's goodness to us. I come away from these weekends thinking that I got a little taste of what Heaven will be like one day.
Here is a poem that I recently read that made me think of these women and the friendships that we share-
Hide not thy tears, weep boldly and be found
To give the flowing virtue manly way;
'Tis natures mark to know an honest heart by;
Shame on those hearts that can not melt in soft a'loption of another's sorrow
No radiant pearl which created fortune wears,
No gem that twinkling, hangs, from beauty's ears, not the bright stars,
Which nights' blue arch adorn, nor
Rising suns that gild the vernal morn,
Shine with such lustre as the tear that treaks for other's woe
Down virtue's manly cheeks
- Darwin
Our friendships include many laughs but many tears as well as we trust the Lord to lead us through our journey Home and I am so thankful that He has provided friends to both rejoice and weep with.
This passage has always meant so much to me and even more so at this point in my life. I struggle so much with doubt that the Lord would actually use me or has a perfect plan for my life. The mundane things in this life get me down as well as the broken dreams or unfulfilled desires. This verse seems to be telling us to dream big, to trust God for big or impossible things and to look around and watch Him work- for His glory. So often I don't even attempt hard or scary things because I am so scared to fail or look like a fool, but in reality, not stepping out in faith is the foolish thing to do knowing what we know about God and His mighty power within us. I am reminded of the C.S. Lewis quote that challenges us with how easily pleased we are with playing a mud pile when the Lord offers us a resort by the sea. We are often too preoccupied or scared to look up and see!
Paul addresses this earlier in Ephesians 1:18 when he writes- I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you...
We need to have spiritual eyes to see the great and glorious things in which the Lord is doing and has done- oftentimes those things don't look like much to the world. Take for example friendship. This is so important to me and is one of the top values of my life. I met most of my dearest friends my freshmen year of college right when I became a Christian and started understanding the things of the Lord. I have been friends with most of those girls for 10 years now. These aren't just my friends, these are my sisters, and my mentors. I learn from their lives and how they are wives and mothers and ministers. It is important for me to think about the time when I initially met them- it didn't seem like much at the time but the impact that they have had in my life is immeasurable.
Currently, I am struggling with looking around and only seeing what God hasn't done and desires that He hasn't fulfilled but Paul reminds me in Ephesians that where there might seem to be an emptiness there is room for the Lord to redeem that for His glory. This is the tension where I am living. I am tasting the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams and desires of having a husband and a family and seeing the Lord provide in that way yet I have to will myself daily to look up and see where He is working and blessing me. When I fight for this view I truly taste of the Lord's sweetness and am delighted in Him. I know that this is a struggle for every Christian in many different areas and I am very aware that if the Lord does ever provide a husband and a family then this longing will be transferred to another area so I am thankful that at 28 years young I have the opportunity to submit these things to the One who is worthy of all of my heart.
I am also thankful for the Lord abundantly providing in areas where I really didn't think to pray and ask Him to. He provided in His wisdom and I couldn't be more happy with His provision. As I mentioned before, He has provided me with wonderful sisters who have walked with me, and I've walked with them as well. We are currently spread out all over the country but we try to do a yearly reunion and we just got back from it a few weeks ago. These weekends are always fun and filled with laughs (mostly at my expense, as usual) and are always good reminders of the Lord's goodness to us. I come away from these weekends thinking that I got a little taste of what Heaven will be like one day.
Here is a poem that I recently read that made me think of these women and the friendships that we share-
Hide not thy tears, weep boldly and be found
To give the flowing virtue manly way;
'Tis natures mark to know an honest heart by;
Shame on those hearts that can not melt in soft a'loption of another's sorrow
No radiant pearl which created fortune wears,
No gem that twinkling, hangs, from beauty's ears, not the bright stars,
Which nights' blue arch adorn, nor
Rising suns that gild the vernal morn,
Shine with such lustre as the tear that treaks for other's woe
Down virtue's manly cheeks
- Darwin
Our friendships include many laughs but many tears as well as we trust the Lord to lead us through our journey Home and I am so thankful that He has provided friends to both rejoice and weep with.
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