I've always been told never to say that I hate something but well I have to admit that I really do hate dating. No I don't hate all types of dating but the dating that feels like an audition rather than a friendship. Now I do not have a ton of experience in this area and actually I tend to run the other way if there is an attractive man in the same room as me- the reason I run is because I just hate dating and I don't even want to allow room for the opportunity for a date!
The last 2 guys I "dated" (and I use the word dating loosely) felt more like I was being auditioned for the perfect wife role. I had such a hard time being myself because I didn't know these guys and I was forced into being in intimate settings with them and to share my life and my feelings with them. It was so difficult for me and my walls were up very high. I felt uncomfortable the whole time and it became so exhausting! I desired to build more of a friendship with these guys but they were both pretty insistent on talking and acting as more than friends- which I am very bad at. I would freeze up and not be myself. I think that both guys got glimpses of who I am but they in no way saw the real Jenny. Neither of them stuck around long enough to allow me to put my walls down to show them who I really am.
This really bothers me and haunts me because I so love connecting with people and building relationships- it is a huge value to me. When I struggled in connecting and feeling comfortable with the first guy I kind of shrugged it off because well let's just say that guy was everything but a wonderful Godly and mature man, but when I had the same type of issues with the second guy who was absolutely wonderful and incredible- my fears were confirmed.
I guess I would say that my ideal "dating" situation would be being friends with a guy and having shared experiences with him. I would love to be able to build the foundation of friendship in a community where I can see him interact with others and he could observe me as well. I would love to be able to go out with a guy for dinner not feeling like I am on an audition but because he has observed me being the ridiculous girl that I am and wanting to spend more time with me. Because I would be comfortable with him, I would be more able to be myself and feel safe to be more vulnerable. These previous dates I was so nervous and was just waiting for them to find something about me that they didn't like. I know that these insecurities are not all to blame on the guys but feeling analyzed and scrutinized to make sure I fit their qualifications or to make sure that I'm worth the pursuit or the distance or whatever it is certainly does not help a girl!
So, my conclusion in all of this is that the Lord will truly have to work a miracle in this area if He desires for me to be married. He would need to provide a very patient, loving, confident, and affirming man to minister to and befriend this insecure, quirky, independent woman! And at this point in my life- I could care less if he is taller than me- I've given up on that dream! ;)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Thoughts on 2 Peter
I love, love, love reading the accounts of Peter and what he writes to the saints- mostly because I see so much of myself in Peter's rashness and immaturity but still the presence of his desire to be used by the Lord. 1 and 2 Peter have so much more meaning when I read them after knowing and seeing his struggles and failures firsthand in the Gospels and Acts.
2 Peter 1:12-15
So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus has made it clear to me. And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.
What will Peter remind the people of?
their election and calling
why? because our memory always needs refreshing and reminding. We act in light of who we believe ourselves to be- Peter gets that!!
we must always review the basics of our Christian faith. Good athletes can execute the fundamentals consistently well. We must not neglect the basics of our faith when we go on to study "deeper" truths. Just as an athlete needs constant practice, so do we need constant reminders of the fundamentals of our faith and how we came to believe in the first place. I must not allow myself to be bored or impatient with messages on the "basics" of the Christian life. I must practice and refine the basics as an athlete does even while learning more advanced skills.
- Do I care so deeply about God's truth and promises that I will go to great lengths to remind believers? And when I'm away from them will I continue to think and pray for them?
- Do I want to challenge other believers out of my love for Christ? even when it's hard and uncomfortable?
I, myself, need reminding!! Peter says that he will ALWAYS be ready to remind them of these things!
- He was aware of the human heart and how it doubts and distorts the cross
- He recognizes how we need to be reminded of the simplicity of the Gospel
- he knows that people need to be in a community where they can understand, grasp and teach God's truth.
In other words, Peter's eyes were off of himself and on those who were around him. His ultimate goal was to see where the people were at and meet them there and be a part of helping them move forward in their relationship with God. This is taxing, uncomfortable, and not easy! Yet- it is the most rewarding thing any of us could ever be a part of!
2 Peter 1:12-15
So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus has made it clear to me. And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.
What will Peter remind the people of?
their election and calling
why? because our memory always needs refreshing and reminding. We act in light of who we believe ourselves to be- Peter gets that!!
we must always review the basics of our Christian faith. Good athletes can execute the fundamentals consistently well. We must not neglect the basics of our faith when we go on to study "deeper" truths. Just as an athlete needs constant practice, so do we need constant reminders of the fundamentals of our faith and how we came to believe in the first place. I must not allow myself to be bored or impatient with messages on the "basics" of the Christian life. I must practice and refine the basics as an athlete does even while learning more advanced skills.
- Do I care so deeply about God's truth and promises that I will go to great lengths to remind believers? And when I'm away from them will I continue to think and pray for them?
- Do I want to challenge other believers out of my love for Christ? even when it's hard and uncomfortable?
I, myself, need reminding!! Peter says that he will ALWAYS be ready to remind them of these things!
- He was aware of the human heart and how it doubts and distorts the cross
- He recognizes how we need to be reminded of the simplicity of the Gospel
- he knows that people need to be in a community where they can understand, grasp and teach God's truth.
In other words, Peter's eyes were off of himself and on those who were around him. His ultimate goal was to see where the people were at and meet them there and be a part of helping them move forward in their relationship with God. This is taxing, uncomfortable, and not easy! Yet- it is the most rewarding thing any of us could ever be a part of!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
To Love God is to Love His Will
To Love God is to love His will. It is to wait quietly for life to be measured out by the One who knows us through and through.
E.B. Pusley's rules to gain contentment:
1) Allow thyself to complain of nothing, not even the weather
2)Never picture thyself to thyself under any circumstances in which thou are not
3) Never compare thine own lot with that of another
4) Never allow thyself to dwell on the wish that this or that had been, or were, otherwise than it was, or is. God Almighty loves thee better and more wisely than thou doest thyself.
5) Never dwell on the morrow. Remember, that it is God's not thine. The heaviest part of sorrow often is to look forward to it. "The Lord will provide."
Thoughts- perfection does not consist in understanding God's design but in submitting to them. The whole essence of the spiritual life consists in recognizing the designs of God for us at that present moment- and that is something I don't want to miss!!
These notes and quotes were written by me in my journal August 13, 2004. I had just graduated from college and had spent 2 months in South Africa. I was trying to figure out what God wanted to do with my life. I know that when I was struggling through many questions and adjusting to life after college that I thought that this was probably the only time that I would be struggling with contentment- well as we all know- it is a lifelong struggle. Almost 6 years later I sit here with the same struggles, all the while preaching these truth's to my soul so that I won't be paralyzed by unmet dreams or fear of the future- and I know that this will not be my last time. I do pray that each time I am filled with doubt of God's provision, disappointment with what isn't happening in my life, I will have increasingly more in my arsenal to preach to my heart and soul because I know that as life continues the contentment issue only increases and involves bigger struggles than grades or cars.
E.B. Pusley's rules to gain contentment:
1) Allow thyself to complain of nothing, not even the weather
2)Never picture thyself to thyself under any circumstances in which thou are not
3) Never compare thine own lot with that of another
4) Never allow thyself to dwell on the wish that this or that had been, or were, otherwise than it was, or is. God Almighty loves thee better and more wisely than thou doest thyself.
5) Never dwell on the morrow. Remember, that it is God's not thine. The heaviest part of sorrow often is to look forward to it. "The Lord will provide."
Thoughts- perfection does not consist in understanding God's design but in submitting to them. The whole essence of the spiritual life consists in recognizing the designs of God for us at that present moment- and that is something I don't want to miss!!
These notes and quotes were written by me in my journal August 13, 2004. I had just graduated from college and had spent 2 months in South Africa. I was trying to figure out what God wanted to do with my life. I know that when I was struggling through many questions and adjusting to life after college that I thought that this was probably the only time that I would be struggling with contentment- well as we all know- it is a lifelong struggle. Almost 6 years later I sit here with the same struggles, all the while preaching these truth's to my soul so that I won't be paralyzed by unmet dreams or fear of the future- and I know that this will not be my last time. I do pray that each time I am filled with doubt of God's provision, disappointment with what isn't happening in my life, I will have increasingly more in my arsenal to preach to my heart and soul because I know that as life continues the contentment issue only increases and involves bigger struggles than grades or cars.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sweet Sisters
Colossians 1:3-7
We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints- the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all its truth.
I write this verse thinking about the girls that I have had the privilege to meet with over this past year. Today was my last day meeting with them for the semester. We spent a lot of time laughing and reflecting on the past semester and then we spent time praying for each other and for our ministries. I left my time with these girls with such a full heart and a goofy smile on my face. I am so blessed to spend my days watching God transform people's hearts and relationships. One of the biggest things we have been studying this semester is about the importance of community and I have really seen that happen between these girls who were virtually strangers in the beginning of the school year. One of the reasons community is so important is for ministry- to be on a team expanding God's Kingdom. It has been wonderful watching this happen before my eyes and the multiplying effects that it has had.
I struggle so much in ministry with expectation both of myself and those who I minister to. I confess that I have had many more disappointments than joys and I carry those disappointments with me often. I allow them to weigh me down and make me doubt God's call on my life- oftentimes I can become paralyzed by my discouragement. I look too often on what I don't see happening and miss what God is doing. I am so thankful to have taken time today to praise God for the
women He has raised up continually at UNF since my freshmen year and how He is not finished with this campus yet!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
May = Month of Love
My friends are so sweet and they want for me to be married so badly! I am so encouraged by them and the examples that their marriages set for me and what I am trusting God for but sometimes their zealousness can be a bit overwhelming.
I am pretty much never around single men my age so I don't really know how to act if I'm ever casually around a single man my age and I definitely don't know how to act when I'm around one that I'm being set up with!! Needless to say set ups for me leave plenty of room for awkwardness!
May 2007
So, why is May my month of love? Well it all started 3 years ago this upcoming May.
My former boss and his wife and I were all invited to the same wedding in May. I, of course, didn't have a date and they had the perfect person to set me up with. Unfortunately this particular guy couldn't make it to the wedding to be my date due to a prior commitment BUT he happened to be driving through Jacksonville and could meet for lunch! Well I still needed a date for the wedding so this sweet couple actually had another friend who was going to be in town the actual day of the wedding and thought that he would be a fun date.
So I meet with guy #1 for lunch along with this married couple. This guy was super, super attractive and super charismatic- and he had a southern accent!!!!!! I thought I was going to die. He did the same thing as I did and had a very similar testimony as me so it was wonderful to connect with him in those things. I was just impressed that I actually formed a semi-coherent sentence. Anyway guy #1 had to be on his way but he said he loved meeting me and looked forward to talking soon.
Now onto guy #2. I meet him right before the wedding and the 4 of us journey to the wedding together. Guy #2 is super nice and funny but not super attractive (i know that sounds so shallow). I laughed a lot but we really didn't have a lot to connect over, which was fine with me. Towards the end of the reception I got the feeling that he might think that we had more of a connection than I thought we did and I panicked because, well, I just don't know how to handle these type of things!! The four of us leave the reception and head back to the couples home. They all get out of the car and I thank them all for a wonderful time and head to my car, just as I think I've made my escape, I hear a tap on my car window. I roll down my window and guy #2 asks if he could get my number so he could call me. I respond with an enthusiastic "Of course you can!" I then give him my number and he calls me the next day.
So want to know what happened with guy #1- I heard nothing from him for about a month then all of a sudden he started texting me (not sure how he got my number) and being flirty and then I never heard from him again. The last thing I heard about him was that he was getting married very soon- glad to see that he can commit, I was a little worried about him.
Guy #2- called me a few times, I of course didn't answer because I am such a mature woman... Yeah... Anyway, he has been married for a few months now.
Glad everything turned out well for these 2 guys!! So that was May 2007 (I believe)
May 2008
Ok, so next May (2008). As May was approaching I was thinking back to the previous May and was chuckling to myself about the insanity of it all. I was at lunch with a friend and I get a call from one of my co-workers asking what I was doing because he had somebody that he wanted me to meet. I asked him if he meant right this second and he said yes, of course, he was having lunch with him. Well, I was in no way dressed or prepared to meet an attractive single guy! I raced home and tried to do something with my mess of hair and reapply some sort of make up. I head over to their lunch place and proceed to meet my set up. He was very charming and fun to talk with. I spent the rest of their lunch with them. That particular summer I was traveling all over the place so we went on dates and met up when we could. I will probably be writing more about him in the future so I'll just say that it officially ended in October and I couldn't be happier. Unlike the previous "May men" he is not married and if he ever does get married I would love to meet that woman!
May 2009
Now onto May 2009. This was my favorite "May man" by far. I was joking with my friend Heather right about this time last year that I think my month of love was coming to an end because I literally could not guess where I would meet a guy this upcoming May. I'm sure God got a good laugh out of that conversation. Hmmm what to say about our meeting... I'm not sure because it still seems surreal and I feel annoyed and blessed all at the same time. I will say that I will definitely be writing in more detail about this latest "May man" but for this post I'll be brief. I met this guy at a meeting of about 40 or so people who are involved in full-time ministry. I had seen this guy a few months before and thought he was cute but never thought I'd ever see him again. I definitely thought he was attractive and he was definitely my type and I DEFINITELY was not going to talk to him at all!! Anyway he actually came up and introduced himself to me and I thought that he might have been a bit interested in me so I freaked out and ran away (once again, being the mature woman that I am). The meeting ended and he left and I thought that I would never get to talk to this man again. Lo and behold I got a new friend request on facebook from this man. We became friends on facebook and started to write to each to each other and realized we had a lot in common and shared a lot of the same theological beliefs and so many other wonderful things. We talked through out the summer and spent time together (we didn't live in the same state). I learned many, many, many things about the Lord, men, relationships, and myself because of this "May man." In August we were done. He is not married and I'm definitely interested to see who the Lord would have him marry- she would have to be quite the catch! I am looking forward to sharing more in future posts about all that I learned in this past year because of last May.
So, now that brings us to this May. Who knows??? Only the Lord does and His word tells us that He can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine- only according to His power- not mine!!
I want to make sure that you know that my tone in these postings about these guys is humor. I love to laugh and I love having my life make others laugh. Yes, rejection and broken dreams are hard but I am so thankful that the Lord has given me a sense of humor to be able to laugh at these things that the Lord has given me!
I am pretty much never around single men my age so I don't really know how to act if I'm ever casually around a single man my age and I definitely don't know how to act when I'm around one that I'm being set up with!! Needless to say set ups for me leave plenty of room for awkwardness!
May 2007
So, why is May my month of love? Well it all started 3 years ago this upcoming May.
My former boss and his wife and I were all invited to the same wedding in May. I, of course, didn't have a date and they had the perfect person to set me up with. Unfortunately this particular guy couldn't make it to the wedding to be my date due to a prior commitment BUT he happened to be driving through Jacksonville and could meet for lunch! Well I still needed a date for the wedding so this sweet couple actually had another friend who was going to be in town the actual day of the wedding and thought that he would be a fun date.
So I meet with guy #1 for lunch along with this married couple. This guy was super, super attractive and super charismatic- and he had a southern accent!!!!!! I thought I was going to die. He did the same thing as I did and had a very similar testimony as me so it was wonderful to connect with him in those things. I was just impressed that I actually formed a semi-coherent sentence. Anyway guy #1 had to be on his way but he said he loved meeting me and looked forward to talking soon.
Now onto guy #2. I meet him right before the wedding and the 4 of us journey to the wedding together. Guy #2 is super nice and funny but not super attractive (i know that sounds so shallow). I laughed a lot but we really didn't have a lot to connect over, which was fine with me. Towards the end of the reception I got the feeling that he might think that we had more of a connection than I thought we did and I panicked because, well, I just don't know how to handle these type of things!! The four of us leave the reception and head back to the couples home. They all get out of the car and I thank them all for a wonderful time and head to my car, just as I think I've made my escape, I hear a tap on my car window. I roll down my window and guy #2 asks if he could get my number so he could call me. I respond with an enthusiastic "Of course you can!" I then give him my number and he calls me the next day.
So want to know what happened with guy #1- I heard nothing from him for about a month then all of a sudden he started texting me (not sure how he got my number) and being flirty and then I never heard from him again. The last thing I heard about him was that he was getting married very soon- glad to see that he can commit, I was a little worried about him.
Guy #2- called me a few times, I of course didn't answer because I am such a mature woman... Yeah... Anyway, he has been married for a few months now.
Glad everything turned out well for these 2 guys!! So that was May 2007 (I believe)
May 2008
Ok, so next May (2008). As May was approaching I was thinking back to the previous May and was chuckling to myself about the insanity of it all. I was at lunch with a friend and I get a call from one of my co-workers asking what I was doing because he had somebody that he wanted me to meet. I asked him if he meant right this second and he said yes, of course, he was having lunch with him. Well, I was in no way dressed or prepared to meet an attractive single guy! I raced home and tried to do something with my mess of hair and reapply some sort of make up. I head over to their lunch place and proceed to meet my set up. He was very charming and fun to talk with. I spent the rest of their lunch with them. That particular summer I was traveling all over the place so we went on dates and met up when we could. I will probably be writing more about him in the future so I'll just say that it officially ended in October and I couldn't be happier. Unlike the previous "May men" he is not married and if he ever does get married I would love to meet that woman!
May 2009
Now onto May 2009. This was my favorite "May man" by far. I was joking with my friend Heather right about this time last year that I think my month of love was coming to an end because I literally could not guess where I would meet a guy this upcoming May. I'm sure God got a good laugh out of that conversation. Hmmm what to say about our meeting... I'm not sure because it still seems surreal and I feel annoyed and blessed all at the same time. I will say that I will definitely be writing in more detail about this latest "May man" but for this post I'll be brief. I met this guy at a meeting of about 40 or so people who are involved in full-time ministry. I had seen this guy a few months before and thought he was cute but never thought I'd ever see him again. I definitely thought he was attractive and he was definitely my type and I DEFINITELY was not going to talk to him at all!! Anyway he actually came up and introduced himself to me and I thought that he might have been a bit interested in me so I freaked out and ran away (once again, being the mature woman that I am). The meeting ended and he left and I thought that I would never get to talk to this man again. Lo and behold I got a new friend request on facebook from this man. We became friends on facebook and started to write to each to each other and realized we had a lot in common and shared a lot of the same theological beliefs and so many other wonderful things. We talked through out the summer and spent time together (we didn't live in the same state). I learned many, many, many things about the Lord, men, relationships, and myself because of this "May man." In August we were done. He is not married and I'm definitely interested to see who the Lord would have him marry- she would have to be quite the catch! I am looking forward to sharing more in future posts about all that I learned in this past year because of last May.
So, now that brings us to this May. Who knows??? Only the Lord does and His word tells us that He can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine- only according to His power- not mine!!
I want to make sure that you know that my tone in these postings about these guys is humor. I love to laugh and I love having my life make others laugh. Yes, rejection and broken dreams are hard but I am so thankful that the Lord has given me a sense of humor to be able to laugh at these things that the Lord has given me!
name change
This weekend I was at a good friend's wedding and at the rehearsal dinner the topic of my blog came up in conversation. My good friend Josiah started getting onto me about the fact that on facebook when I introduce my blog I reassured everyone that when I shared stories (specifically ones about guys) that the names will be changed. He didn't like that I was going to do that and said that I should spill it all. Most of the time I listen to him but after much thought I think I've decided to keep the names private mainly because I know in my heart the only reason I would use their names would be so that I could get some type of revenge on them for "wronging" me. I don't want revenge at all but what I do want and hope is that some will learn from the mistakes and wrong expectations I had (and still have) when it comes to guys.
Sorry Josiah!!! But hey- your name made it into my blog!! :) Josiah is the taller one on my right, the other guy is Ben. They are both wonderful men and guess what-- they are both single, ladies!!!! haha
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
An Exchange of Joys
Isaiah 54 begins with "Sing, O barren one, who did not bear, break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of you tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your chords and strengthen your stakes."
Why should I sing? I'm barren and unable to multiply because I'm still single!!
I can sing because of God's eternal covenant of peace. The everlasting love of God will heal all of my sorrows. God is telling me to prepare joyfully for the future that He has for me!
I am here smack in the middle of 2 weddings of girls who I care about so deeply. I'm full of excitement and joy for these 2 couples but then in my quiet times I become filled with such longing and questions about God's plan for my life in this area.
I have felt lately that God has taken a magnifying glass to this particular area over this past year. A lot of times I have been so frustrated and honestly annoyed at the Lord's blatant attention to this area- it literally feels like I can not escape from talk of marriage or being involved in weddings in some way- whether it be a bridesmaid, cake cutter, or guest book coordinator. While sometimes I feel like God is being cruel, I do actuall
y feel like He is just being a surgeon. He is being so intentional to expose the idols in my heart and He's doing it by allowing me to be a part of these wonderful women's lives as they get what I so badly desire. It is a fight to keep my eyes off of myself and keep them on these girls. I feel so blessed to be a part of what God has called them to, yet my heart is breaking at the loss of my dreams year after year.
I truly am thankful for the Lord's commitment to exposure in this area. Isaiah 54 has been something that I've been looking to and meditating on. God is telling the barren woman to rejoice and is also foretelling of the new covenant (Galatians 4:25-28) where I can have spiritual children!!
This makes me think of the wonderful exchange of joys that I'm able to experience because my dreams of being a wife and mother haven't happened yet and truthfully may never happen.
Here are a few things that come to mind:
I've been able to work for the past 5 years with a ministry that I wholeheartedly believe in (that would be Campus Outreach Florida)
I have traveled to many places in the world without worrying about what I'm leaving behind
I have watched God open countless women's eyes to His glory and grace in their lives
I have experienced the supernatural provision of the Lord by living on support for over 5 years- the Lord is my ultimate provider!
I have been able to give my life fully to others without worrying or struggling with how to balance my family life
I've been able to show young girls that marriage is not the ultimate life goal- God's glory is
I've been able to experience many, many awkward dates and set-ups with guys that I will be sharing more of in the near future :)
I've seen God use my brokenness in this area to draw me closer to Him
God has (and continues to) give me capacity to have many spiritual daughters, some of which are-
my past and future roommates, student-athletes, new w
ives, going to Africa, about to graduate, co-workers, teachers, sorority members, and so on...
As painful as it sometimes can be, I truly am so thankful that the Lord is pressing in on me in this area. He is committed to His glory in my life and that takes exposure- which isn't pretty!
Why should I sing? I'm barren and unable to multiply because I'm still single!!
I can sing because of God's eternal covenant of peace. The everlasting love of God will heal all of my sorrows. God is telling me to prepare joyfully for the future that He has for me!
I am here smack in the middle of 2 weddings of girls who I care about so deeply. I'm full of excitement and joy for these 2 couples but then in my quiet times I become filled with such longing and questions about God's plan for my life in this area.
I have felt lately that God has taken a magnifying glass to this particular area over this past year. A lot of times I have been so frustrated and honestly annoyed at the Lord's blatant attention to this area- it literally feels like I can not escape from talk of marriage or being involved in weddings in some way- whether it be a bridesmaid, cake cutter, or guest book coordinator. While sometimes I feel like God is being cruel, I do actuall
y feel like He is just being a surgeon. He is being so intentional to expose the idols in my heart and He's doing it by allowing me to be a part of these wonderful women's lives as they get what I so badly desire. It is a fight to keep my eyes off of myself and keep them on these girls. I feel so blessed to be a part of what God has called them to, yet my heart is breaking at the loss of my dreams year after year.I truly am thankful for the Lord's commitment to exposure in this area. Isaiah 54 has been something that I've been looking to and meditating on. God is telling the barren woman to rejoice and is also foretelling of the new covenant (Galatians 4:25-28) where I can have spiritual children!!
This makes me think of the wonderful exchange of joys that I'm able to experience because my dreams of being a wife and mother haven't happened yet and truthfully may never happen.
Here are a few things that come to mind:
I've been able to work for the past 5 years with a ministry that I wholeheartedly believe in (that would be Campus Outreach Florida)
I have traveled to many places in the world without worrying about what I'm leaving behind
I have watched God open countless women's eyes to His glory and grace in their lives
I have experienced the supernatural provision of the Lord by living on support for over 5 years- the Lord is my ultimate provider!
I have been able to give my life fully to others without worrying or struggling with how to balance my family life
I've been able to show young girls that marriage is not the ultimate life goal- God's glory is
I've been able to experience many, many awkward dates and set-ups with guys that I will be sharing more of in the near future :)
I've seen God use my brokenness in this area to draw me closer to Him
God has (and continues to) give me capacity to have many spiritual daughters, some of which are-
my past and future roommates, student-athletes, new w
ives, going to Africa, about to graduate, co-workers, teachers, sorority members, and so on...As painful as it sometimes can be, I truly am so thankful that the Lord is pressing in on me in this area. He is committed to His glory in my life and that takes exposure- which isn't pretty!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Intentionally Detached
So many thoughts go through my mind as I approach the Easter weekend. I feel such gratefulness, sadness, joy, awe, and a little bit of guilt. I mention the guilt because I still can't believe that the Perfect Son of Man would die for the sins of many. I still can't believe that He would want to save a selfish brat like myself when I am so concerned with my life, my dreams, and my comfort- my, my, my!!!! I titled this "Intentionally Detached" because this comes from a sermon I listened to about 4 years ago and it still sits with me today because unlike Jesus I am not detached to myself or the things of the world. Allow me to explain...
The text of this is Luke 9:51-62
In the beginning of this text Jesus is heading towards Jerusalem. The people in a Samaritan village He was about to pass through heard He was coming and made it very known to Him that He was not welcome. Of course Jesus didn't get upset and actually saved this village from James and John calling down judgment on this village.
In the next section we kind of listen in on a conversation about the cost of following Christ and His challenge to hold onto the things of this world very loosely.
Some reflection questions I get from this text are:
Am I too attached to myself, my opinions, my need to be right?
My need is to be detached. I must detach myself from the things of this world so that I can serve Him faithfully and with both hands!
My service to Jesus is directly and adversely affected by my attachments to this life.
Jesus detached Himself from what this world deserves and attaches Himself to showing mercy- Jesus goes to people who do not deserve His mercy!
I need to be intentional about detaching myself from the world and its comforts, from my value system, from the pursuit of human affections and their idolatry.
In order to detach myself from these things I must ask the Lord to reveal how attached I am to these things. I think the Lord began to reveal how attached I am to many of these things while I was in India and observed how detached the Indian Christians were. Their detachment allowed for them to be so freed up. They were freed up to love God deeply and in turn love people deeply. I have never seen anything like it in my life. I was/am so utterly convicted by such Christ-like examples that I had the privilege to witness.
The text of this is Luke 9:51-62
In the beginning of this text Jesus is heading towards Jerusalem. The people in a Samaritan village He was about to pass through heard He was coming and made it very known to Him that He was not welcome. Of course Jesus didn't get upset and actually saved this village from James and John calling down judgment on this village.
In the next section we kind of listen in on a conversation about the cost of following Christ and His challenge to hold onto the things of this world very loosely.
Some reflection questions I get from this text are:
Am I too attached to myself, my opinions, my need to be right?
My need is to be detached. I must detach myself from the things of this world so that I can serve Him faithfully and with both hands!
My service to Jesus is directly and adversely affected by my attachments to this life.
Jesus detached Himself from what this world deserves and attaches Himself to showing mercy- Jesus goes to people who do not deserve His mercy!
I need to be intentional about detaching myself from the world and its comforts, from my value system, from the pursuit of human affections and their idolatry.
In order to detach myself from these things I must ask the Lord to reveal how attached I am to these things. I think the Lord began to reveal how attached I am to many of these things while I was in India and observed how detached the Indian Christians were. Their detachment allowed for them to be so freed up. They were freed up to love God deeply and in turn love people deeply. I have never seen anything like it in my life. I was/am so utterly convicted by such Christ-like examples that I had the privilege to witness.
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